ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ ꜱʜᴏᴘ

review | twelve

Author : _IamSR
Book :  Lone Savior
Genre : Action-Fantasy

Reviewer  : DaniBrull

Cover :
In all honesty, not too enthused about the cover. I'm not even sure what that picture is-is it a landscape? It's hard to tell. The font is also a hard read for me. I would suggest getting a graphic artist to help you out here.

Title :
I think Lone Savior is a fine and dandy title.

Blurb :
I really struggled here. I'm not really sure what the story is about. I got something kind of like a bullet point list-I have more questions about things than I have answers. Maybe some of my questions will help you flesh out your blurb a bit.

I gather that the story revolves around four characters. Okay. Does this mean there are four protagonists? Four points of view? Or just the general number of characters in the story?

Your first point: are you saying all of the characters are alone?

Your second point: "A girl who escaped from his house and his family who is looking for her," Whose house? His? Who is he? Does he have a name? We have no idea who he is.

The third: Okay, a strict army officer. I got that part!

The fourth: I think you meant 'revenge' here, with an e at the end.

Plot Development :
I am not able to read or understand well enough to get a sense of the plot.

Character Development :
I am not able to read or understand well enough to get the development of the characters.

Grammar & Punctuation :
Is there a reason why so many words are capitalized? It makes the reading rather awkward and stalls your sentences. I was going to PM you with some helpful things in regard to grammar and punctuation, but it is a bit much here. I don't want to overload you and make you feel overwhelmed. And I also do not want you to ever think your ideas and imagination and ability to write would ever lack because of my criticism. I am sure there is magic on those pages, we just have to GET to them first.

Overall View :
Okay, here we go. I'm being honest here, and that's what you signed up for. An honest review.

I think the biggest issue here is readability. If English isn't your first language, and you are writing in English, it might be best to have somebody read over your story who writes well in English to help you out. If English is your first language, I would still implore you to have somebody who is good with writing and editing to look over your story. English grammar, spelling, and syntax are NOT easy concepts, even if English is your first language. So I totally get that.
I feel like there could be a story here-it's just buried. I can see snippets of some descriptions, but really, it is very hard for me to read and follow. I know this story is your baby, and you love it, and it means so much to you. I think that's amazing. I have no doubt that you have a brilliant imagination and ideas to make wonderful adventures and worlds. Right now, I think you need a buddy to help you read over everything to get that magic to the forefront so we can see it! Let us see that magic! A few tips to help you out when you find a critique partner:

Ask yourself five questions when writing a story.

• Who is your character? (Or characters)
• What do they want?
• What are they willing to GIVE to get that?
• What happens if they don't get what they want?
• Who or what is trying to stop them from getting what they want?

I would also recommend plugging your story into an app or website that reads your story aloud. That way you can catch mistakes easier. Sometimes we don't see them. When we hear them, it's easier to edit and make changes.

I really hope my advice helps. I spent a few days on your story, but I feel like I just can't understand enough about it to really give you my thoughts. You are MORE than welcome to have me try to review again once your story has been looked over by somebody and edited a little more.

Best wishes,
Dani