ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ ꜱʜᴏᴘ

review | four

My New Life by 97JksYouja

Reviewer : little_mxmo

Genre : Fanfiction

OVERALL RATING : 2/5 ✩’s

First Impression :
One of the first things I noticed was the title. I noticed that if you just “deleted” the word ‘New’, you would have MY LIFE. I don’t know if this was intentional, but it certainly is a very nice touch.

Graphics & Blurb :
The cover of the book isn’t bad, but it’s not great and eye-catching either. As for the Blurb, it could definitely use some work. I think it was supposed to be some kind of poem? It doesn’t flow very well at all though, and it seems like all the stanzas are fighting against each other, instead of working together to provide an image for the reader. The blurb is also riddled with examples of poor word choice. 

> “A knock on the door and everything just seems as if breaking apart, all of a sudden there is nothing worth to spend a life in this world anymore . 

Ever thought of living a peaceful life and suddenly everything is a mess, 

No family, no friends 

just a world with strangers all around

A girl living this sorrowful life of her's.

There was a time when she had dreams of her own but even those dreams were snatched away from her by the thoughts of getting to survive every tomorrow.

In this messed up life , there awaits her reincarnation which even she is not aware of when the right ONE is just besides her.”

I can’t tell if our main character is poor, or just lonely. I have no idea what a knock on the door has to do with anything, and it really throws me for a loop. You have lots of run on sentences as well. Even small grammatical issues can take away from the entire piece and drag it down in quality. I can’t even tell whats happening in the blurb, and to put it frankly, I wouldn’t want to read it any further. 

Mechanics :
As I continued on towards the first chapter, I noticed a LOT of grammar errors and mistakes. 

> It’s this dark room again..Omma, Aappa Eoddiisseo (where are you) 

Am home, your daughter is home..where are you all?

If this is supposed to be her talking, please put it in quotation marks. I also noticed you using “..” twice. I can’t tell if this is supposed to be an eclipse (which is used for uncertainty, trailing off or awkwardness), “...” or if it was supposed to be a regular period “.”

The story continues on with so many grammar errors, I’d have to write at least 5 or 6 pages to explain them all to you. Instead, I ask that you have someone else proofread your chapters before posting/publishing them or that you get some sort of web extension that checks your grammar, spelling and flow for you. I would suggest grammarly for beginner writers. 

Writing Style :
As for your writing style, I can’t really see any uniqueness because of the grammar errors and bad word choice. Each sentence and act is also very choppy. The story is also very choppy in general, and each character sounds like a badly programmed robot, instead of a human being. Another tip would be to read aloud sentences, and see if they sound realistic to you. This can certainly be a challenge if English is not your first language, but thats what editors are for.