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Kabanata 31

They Don't Know About Us — One Direction

TW: Cyberbullying. Please don't proceed if you cannot handle hate and mistreatment.

Kabanata 31

I didn't dare to move. Namamaga pa ang mga mata ko nang makita ko ang post n'ya na 'yon. Hindi ako nag-atubiling buksan ito. I even heaved a breath before watching the vlog completely.

Pamilyar sa akin kung nasaan siya. She was in her room, she looked devastated. She didn't changed her clothes, kung paano ko siya naabutan kanina ay gano'n din ang damit n'ya. She didn't even fix her entire look, her eyes were bloodshot and her entire face were crestfallen. Halata na kagagaling n'ya lang sa pag-iyak.

Para akong hinihigupan ng hininga nang unti-unti na siyang nagsalita.

"H-hi, This is Mila. I'll film this raw and unedited. Kamusta kayo? I want to share an experience of m-mine today."

Bahagyang ngumiti si Mila, it was fake and almost forceful. Agad niyang pinalis ang mga luha sa kan'yang mata.

"Halos lahat ng vlogs ko tungkol sa school ay mayroon akong binabanggit na G, which is my crush. Everyone knows our relationship. Alam n'yo naman n-na, G and I are friends. Malapit lang ang building nila sa building namin. We formed quite a bond together already. I was about to confess, tulad ng nabanggit ko sa vlog ko bago ito. . ."

My grip on my phone tightened. Alam ko na maaaring totoo 'yon, Gio is friendly and approachable. Hindi naman n'ya ugaling tumaboy ng isang tao. Pero hindi ko alam kung ano'ng nakita ng mga nanonood ni Mila sa mga huli n'yang vlogs.

"T-Today I learned that my cousin is dating him. Wow. I'm sorry, I just d-didn't expect. . .I w-was vlogging for four years about h-him. Tapos malalaman ko n-na. . .Sila na pala. . ." she sobbed. Tinakpan n'ya pa ang buong mukha n'ya. Ramdam ko ang bigat ng bawat patak ng kan'yang luha.

She felt betrayed. I felt that too.

I bit my lower lip. Ang totoo ay iniwasan ko na siya no'ng senior highschool pa lang, I took my own distance from her when we're graduating from senior high. Alam kong nagka-tampuhan na kami no'n. Nagkaroon na kami ng hidwaan dahil sa paglayo ko. Sino nga naman ang matutuwa kung bigla ka na lang iiwasan ng isang tao? But what can I do?

Doon lang naman ako magaling. I'm only good at trying to run away from the people that haunts me. Camila was that person for me. Kahit ayoko siyang isipin, she's there. Her remnants are everywhere.

"She knows that I like him. . . Alam n'yang gustong ko si G. . . Still, s-she didn't say anything. Pinagmukha n'ya akong tanga. Pinsan ko siya, of all people, dapat mas naiintindihan n'ya ako. Pero h-hindi. . ." hagulgol n'ya.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na sumabay sa agos ng damdamin n'ya. Hindi ko mapigilan na sisihin din ang sarili dahil sa sinapit namin ngayon. I should have been more honest. More raw. More open about it. Pero paano? Kung alam ko naman na iisipin nilang hindi ko deserve si Gio.

Naninikip ang dibdib ko habang pinapakinggan si Mila sa mga hinanakit n'ya. She even opened up about her family issues. Our issues. Napasandal ako sa pader nang wala sa oras.

"Iniisip n'ya pa na mangaagaw ako! As if I'll do that! As if I'm capable of that! H-hindi ko nga alam kung nauna ko bang nagustuhan si G o inagaw n'ya lang sa akin, I don't know! Pero hindi ko siya tinawag na mangaagaw! Unlike her, s-she thinks I'll take everything from her!"

Para akong pinaulanan ng mga punyal. Her words made my heart palpitate in an excruciating way. Sunud-sunod ang bawat bira n'ya ng mga salita na hindi ko kayang lunukin. This was too much. She was clearly talking impulsively, ni hindi na nga n'ya nasunod ang format ng vlog n'ya. Pero wala akong magawa. This was pre-recorded, I couldn't stop her.