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Kabanata 33

WAYO — Bang Ye Dam

Kabanata 33

"Is she okay? Do you want me to call our doctor?" matinis na ani ng kausap ni Etienne.

I covered myself in the thick sheets that the bed offered. Hindi ko maaninag ang mga nakapaligid sa akin dahil nanlalabo ang mga mata ko. I could feel my tears slowly falling. The valves of my heart felt like it was clogged yet it is only filled with emptiness.

"Alak na lang, Mom. Iinom na lang namin 'to."

"Etienne!"

I decided to take a quick nap because I was just too tired to even think. Yet, even in my dreams, it was vivid how everyone rejected me just because of my flaws. When I woke up, it was already dusk and I could only hear classical music playing in the background. Napabalikwas ako nang mapagtantuan na nasa mansion ako nila Etienne.

Nilibot ko ang paningin ko. The fancy furnitures and minimalistic motif made me feel so small. Alam ko naman na hindi ako lumaki sa luho at yaman pero mas pinamukha lang nito na dukha ako.

"Uh, hi. . ." an elegant woman slowly approached me with a tray on her hand. Puno ito ng pagkain at mayroon pa ngang gatas.

Hindi ako sumagot. I can't even feel my own voice. Para bang kapag narinig ko ang sarili kong boses ay manghihina ulit ako. I feel uncomfortable with my own skin and even my thoughts are haunting me. Kahit ang sarili kong boses ay kinakatakutan ko.

"You should at least eat, umalis lang sandali si Etienne pero if you need anything. I'm here. . ." she gently said, almost inaudible. Siguro ay kinakapa n'ya pa kung paano ako kakausapin.

I smiled a bit and took the tray from her. Kahit wala akong gana kumain ay sinubukan ko pa rin sumubo kahit ilang kutsara lang. The woman only watched me from afar, halatang takot na baka mailang ako sa kan'ya.

"O-okay lang po ako," namamaos kong banggit at nilayo na ang tray sa akin. May isang katiwala ang nagligpit nito. The woman bubbly sat next to me.

"I'm Ellise Soteiro." She beamed and look directly at my eyes. Nakuha n'ya ang kutis ni Etienne, her features are alike with Etienne too. Maliban sa mata, para siyang Etienne na ginawang babae.

"Paulene po. . ."

"Your cheeks are swelling, nagpa-ready na ako ng ice bag para lagyan 'yan. But I recommend that we should see a doctor. . ." aniya, puno ng pagaalala.

Umiling naman ako. Truth to be told, I don't feel anything anymore. Ni hindi ko na nga alam kung ano'ng klaseng sakit ito. Kahit siguro ipasagasa ako ngayon ay wala na akong mararamdaman. Even if I was struck with manifolds of affliction, I won't feel a thing.

Akala ko kaya kong takbuhan ang sakit. I didn't know that even if I ran away from the pain, I will only go back to the same tormenting cycle. It's as if I'm a small sea shell, trying to my best to reach the shore but constantly being pulled back in the deep horrendous sea.

Paulit-ulit na lang ang sakit. Hindi pa ako nasanay. Hindi naman ito nagbabago. I drew a deep breath. Napalingon ako kay Tita Ellise.

"Nasaan po si Etienne?"

I have decided to finally do the right thing.

I have to let Gio go.

He doesn't deserve this kind of love. For the past four years, I know we weren't like the other couples. We were not balance. It was ironic, accountancy student si Gio pero hindi n'ya alam ang tamang balanse pagdating sa relasyon.

I was dependent on him. And he let me depend everything on him. Kasalanan ko kung bakit kami humantong sa ganito, I choose to let myself be blinded that everything is normal and okay when it's not.