LUDICROUS | ✎

chapter | 64

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L U D I C R O U S
[ chapter 64 • nightmares ]
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TIRES SCREECHING AGAINST the wet, slippery pavement will deafen me for the rest of my dreadful life.

The pungent smell of burning gasoline, reaches my nostrils, and my nose crinkles up from the horrible smell of burning rubber. All I can hear is ringing ... it just continues to burn a hole into my brain. My eyes slowly peel open, and I blink several times, trying to adjust to the blurry images around me.

My legs feel heavy ... I can barely feel them. They're squished by the heavy metal from all around, the heavy steel metal pressing into them. My chest fills heavy, and my heart beats against my chest as I reach for my legs with shaky hands. I tug at them, but no luck ... nothing budges.

I continue to tug, and try to strain forward to move my body, but a shrill scream slips past my lips as my left leg twist. The sickening sound of a rip tears through my ears on repeat, making the fear in my body overflow.

"A-Allie? Atalie?"

Catina's raspy, strained voice perked my interest rather than the ringing and yelling from on-lookers. The pain shooting through my body becomes a distant memory/feeling as I swivel my head to look at her.

The throat wrenching screams that spilled from me when I look at her, they play like a broken record player in the distance. Her pleas for help whilst choking on her own crimson blood that spilled from the side of her mouth will be the mantra that haunts me for days end, never allowing me to live down what I caused.

Her dark hair is now darker, matted with dark crimson blood, and decorated with tiny shards of glass. Blood gushes from her forehead, spilling down to her bloody speckled face ... little red stars littered her face it seemed ... she now has the freckles she always wanted.

"I-it hurts," she cries out, eyes flickering down to her bottom half where the heavy metal from the car was crushing her.

Tears burn my vision as I helplessly look at my sister. "Hey, hey, it's going to be okay," I murmur.

She shakes her head. "I'm tired."

"No. No, don't you dare!" I grit out. "You stay awake, you hear me? You stay awake."

Heavy tears flow down her face. "It's hard. I'm just tired, Atalie. Let me rest my eyes."

"No." I cry out. "Y-you can't. You can't close your eyes. Not now."

"Please. Just for a little."

"Catina, no. You need to promise me you'll stay awake. Help is coming."

"I'm dying, aren't I?" She questions, and more blood seems to slip past her lips.

I shake my head, salty tears continue to fall. "No. Help is coming. And, we'll both be okay."

She shakes her head. "You'll be okay. I'm not going to make it."

"Don't say that. Don't you dare say that again," I grit out.

"Promise me, that you'll become the worlds greatest fashion designer. That you'll finally grow the balls and ask out Kio because he makes you happy, and you deserve to be happy."

I laugh a little. "We're already together, and you're going to be right beside me when I open my first clothing line. Just stop talking, please, you're losing too much blood."

"I love you Atalie, remember that. I love you all, please tell them that." She smiles as me as her eyes begin to flutter shut.

"No! Catina, open your damn eyes. Right now!" I yell out, trying to reach out to her, but my arms won't move. I can't get to her. "No. No, no." I cry out, still trying to get to her — to hold her.

I need to hold my baby sister.

"Catina, please," I murmur, continuing to cry. My body hurts. My heart aches. And, I'm tried. I'm so fucking exhausted.

"I'm right here, Allie," She rasps out, her bloody hand intertwines with mine and a tried smile crosses onto her face. "I'm right here."

Sirens have a distant mocking echo to them as they draw nearer, but yet they still feel too far away.

Her eyes lock with mine one last time and I smile at her just before my eyes voluntarily shut.

ƪƪƪ

SWEAT BROKE DOWN my back, and my chest was heaving with widened eyes. My hands gripped onto my duvet, balling the material into a fist, trying to lower my rapid breathing. The urge to cry becomes overwhelming, and I allow the tears I had been holding back to fall. I cradle my head in my hands, allowing my sobs to fill my silent room.

It was a routine, waking up from those nightmares, barely able to breathe — every time I fall asleep, the sickening scenes of the aftermath from the crash flash through my mind, frightening me awake. The nightmares were a way of mocking me, haunting me for what I had done.

My bedroom door slowly opens, and my light flickers on, the darkness in my room fading away. I lift my head up, staring at my twin who gripped the doorknob, staring at me.

"Atalie? Are you okay?"

I shake my head, the tears continuing to fall down my face, and he already rushed to my side. "No, I'm not."

Hunter wraps his arms around my fragile body, bring me close to his chest as he hugs me. "Shh, it's okay. Cry it out. Everything's going to be okay, I'm right here with you," He says, kissing the top of my head.

He repeated those words to me every single night, it's become part of the routine after I wake up screaming, crying from the nightmares — it's always him because I still can't look at my parents without thinking they hate me. Hunter says they don't, but I can't seem to believe it. I hate myself for what I did, so if my parents did too, I'll understand.

"It's going to be okay," He murmurs, continuing to hold onto me.

I shake my head. "No, it's not. She's gone because of me, I killed her and she's never coming back. I broke our family."

"Shh, none of this is your fault."

I don't know how long I held onto Hunter, but even with my heavy eyelids, I couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't give in, I was too terrified to close my eyes and become vulnerable to having those haunting nightmares again.

Hunter didn't mind though — he stayed awake with me, holding me and throughout the night he just talked nonsense which helped put my troubling mind to rest for a bit.