A Court of Song and Shadow

Chapter 45

The next few days are gone in a blur—and I barely remember any of the small battles I fight alongside my brother . I do not know if I did not remember just because I did not want to, or all the alcohol I have been consuming—the tavern closest to us was ordered to stop serving me alcohol after the first two days but I just went in after they closed and stole from them. Technically it was not stealing because I left a generous amount of gold on their bar every night after I left.

I am about to enter my tent when I hear two voices inside.

"Just—talk to her, Az, I cannot get through to her. Mor cannot get through to her. Cassian is wallowing in his own shit but he is not half as bad as Velaris." I hear Rhysand whisper.

"And you think I will be able to get through to her?" Azriel asks, "She hates me right now, Rhys."

"She hates everything right now." My brother points out and I accidentally let out a snort. I hear them go quiet and then my tent flap suddenly opens and Rhysand stares at me—and then looks at the bottle in my hand. He walks over to me and yanks it from my hand—I am too drunk to fight for it back so I slowly make my way to my tent and open another bottle that I had hidden in a vase.

"Velaris." Rhysand says my name as if it were a curse, and he walks in and tries to take this bottle away from me. I put it behind my back and almost fall back at the movement. "This is just foolish now, you could die on the battlefield being this drunk."

"Okay." I respond as I take another swig from the bottle.

"I understand—"

"Do you?" I laugh at him as he tries to give me a lecture again, he has done this dozens of times over the past few days, "Where were you?"

I ask him the same question I have every time I have seen him.

"You know where I was and why I could not—"

"I know where you were, you coward—but that was no excuse to not come and help us." I poke his chest with my finger as hard as I can, he takes a step back at my strength.

"She says this every time to me. I do not even think she knows what she says at this point." Rhysand ignores me and looks to Azriel.

"You are in charge of legions of Illyrian's and you just decided to sit back—"

"I was not sending another legion of my warriors to their death!" Rhysand shouts at me so loudly I have to take a step away from him—because in that moment for just a brief moment, I thought he was our father. Rhysand's eyes quickly turn from anger to regret within a second, and then he just shakes his head before walking out of the tent. I let out a sigh as I remember Rhysand had went through something extremely similar just weeks ago. I run my hands through my hair in frustration as I make my way over to my water bowl and splash water on my face. I notice Azriel observing my tent and he stops when he notices my bed—my made bed. My stomach rolls over when I realize Azriel knows how I hate making my bed and have not done so since I was a child—he slowly looks to me.

"When was the last the last time you slept?" He asks me as I wipe the blood and dirt off of my face.

"Last night." I lie without looking at him.

"Velaris—"

"Don't, Az." I say to him, "Please do not lecture me like my brother. Go be with Cass, I will be fine."

"No." He says to me and I look up at him, "I am not leaving you."

"Why?"

"Because I am not going to sit back and watch you drown yourself." Azriel walks over and takes the bottle I had sitting next to the water bowl.