Teach Me to Please | Please Me #1

FIFTY FIVE

  I found that after my conversation with Adam, everything in me felt a little clearer. I didn't realise how much of a weight the problem between me and him caused and how much heartbreak and denial were kept inside of me because of it.

I had gotten everything out. All the anger and resentment, it was now gone. I said what I needed to say, told him how I felt, and even got answered to everything. None of it was to do with me. I wasn't the problem. He was.

For some reason, having told Adam the problems he left me with, made the problems in itself seem easier to cope with. I was more content. I was ready to move on.

If only this had happened sooner.

However, I didn't want to dwell too much on the past. Since the party, Roman has had zero contact with me. I took that as a sign. Maybe this was over. Maybe all of this had reached its limit and neither him nor I could make it okay.

It was difficult to think about. That thought made my light dim a little, but I couldn't focus too much on it. If him not reaching out to me was him moving on, then so be it. I needed to move on too. Even though it hurt like hell.

It was now Sunday and I offered to collect the groceries from the local corner shop as my dad was busy with his new gardening project with his new clients, and my mom had a night shift and needed to get some extra sleep beforehand. Plus, I needed some fresh air and knew that there was a shortcut back home through the local park.

Rya and I used to play hide-and-seek in the neighbouring woods when we were younger. I could imagine it as I walked through the trees and remembered a little Rya with her cat Piggy in her arms as she threw him – and I literally mean threw him – onto a tree branch and then climbed up next to him to hide. Her and that cat were tied at the hip. And so were we.

I tried calling Rya, but she didn't pick up, I ended up calling her dad for him to tell me that she was sick. I knew it wasn't just a sickness and that half of it was tied in with a hangover, but I had a plan to talk to her. It was just a matter of when.

The park wasn't as busy on a Sunday, but I still saw kids running around, swinging on the swings, eating little sandwiches on the picnic tables with their parents and it made my heart melt. For me, little kids were either nightmares or the cutest things ever. Rya always liked to call children miniature satans, and I couldn't blame her. That girl despised children with a burning passion. Me on the other hand? I knew in time I'd want them. I wanted to be a mom like my own, and I waned to give my kids advice on the things I had learnt and the mistakes I had made. However, being a teen mom was not in my agenda. Yet the idea of having little mini-me's running around made me melt a little bit just at the pure thought.

My phone vibrating in my pocket caught me off guard and I pulled it out to look at the screen. An email. An email? The only person I had emailed recently was Mr Wright when he let me know my interview was sent off to UNC Chapel Hill. Was there something wrong with it? Did I not get accepted?

My heart began to race as I opened up my emails. Yet, Mr Wright's username was not what I saw. No. It had Roman's name in it.

Sienna,

If you don't want to talk to me, I understand, but I want to explain myself to you. I want to talk. Please listen to the audio below and if you want to talk to me afterwards, I'll be waiting. I think it's time we figure all of this out. I want us to have a chance.

Roman.

My whole world completely stilled as I read the message again and again, my eyes scanning over every single word. I want us to have a chance.