IAH2: Remembering The First Beat

SPECIAL CHAPTER 3

A/N:

Lovies, thank you so much for reading Destiny Amari's story!

Cheer up! This is her story and I promise you that all the pain she suffered are all worth it!

Love,

Ate Nicx

*****

One.

Two.

Three.

One. The first time I've learned about my condition, the first time I was diagnosed with CAD, I thought my life was over. I was young, I know nothing and just like that, my life was about to end.

Two. I met him. I met the man and the love of my life. He gave me courage to fight. I wanted to live. For him, for myself and for my family.

Three. I was happy. I was contented with my life and in a blink of an eye, everything was in chaos. My almost perfect life ended. I lost everything. I lost my family, I lost him, I lost myself.

My life was never an easy ride. Hindi naging madali ang lahat para sa akin, para sa pamilya ko. At ngayong umulit na naman ako sa pagbibilang mula sa umpisa, hindi ko na alam kung kakayanin ko pang umusad at makarating sa pangalawa hanggang sa pangatlong bilang.

I'm stuck here. Stuck at the beginning and I... I am dying.

"Mommy, can you hear me?"

Gusto kong magsalita ngunit hindi ko ito magawa. I doubt if I can even move a finger right now. Like I said, I'm stuck in here. Kahit sumigaw pa ako, walang makakarinig sa akin. Kahit ilang beses ko pang tawagin si Von o si Ayah o kahit sino mang pumapasok dito sa silid na ito, walang makakarinig sa akin. Walang nakakaalam na buhay pa ako at naririnig ko ang bawat tawag, bawat pag-iyak at bawat paghihinayang nila sa kinahinatnan ko ngayon. I wanted to comfort them but like what I've said, I'm stuck here and all I can do is to listen to them.

"I held his hand earlier, mom. My brother's hand is so soft and tiny!"

Oh, Ayah! I wish to hold your brother's hand too! I want to carry him too! But... I can't do that so do it for mommy, okay? Hold your brother for me, baby.

"Mommy, I missed you. Hindi ka naman pupunta kung nasaan si Daddy Veron at si Mommy Charlotte, hindi ba? I'll be sad if you're going to the happy place, mom. Paano si Daddy Von? Sila Tita Sasa at Tito Xavi? How about me and my little brother? Mom... don't go. Please."

Ayah, mommy's here. Hindi ako aalis. Hindi ko kayo iiwan. Just give mommy more time to heal, okay? Babalik ako sa inyo, anak. Babalik si mommy para sa inyo.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang araw o buwan akong nakahiga sa kamang ito. I lost track of the days and I think I'm losing it, too. I'm slowing losing myself and I hate it!

"Good morning, beautiful!"

Andrea!

Sa lahat ng bumibisita sa akin dito sa silid ko, itong pinsan ko ang pinakamaraming ikinukuwento. Hindi ito nauubusan ng sasabihin and I like that! I like hearing my favorite cousin's voice!

"You know what, Nempha called me earlier." aniya na siyang ikinatigil ko. Mayamaya lang ay naramdaman ko ang paghawak nito sa kamay ko at nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. "She... she told me she misses you. Hindi ito makabisita dito dahil sa kondisyon niya. She's pregnant, Destiny! Akalain mo iyon? Well, she's married and all, so dapat ay hindi na ako nagulat sa balitang iyon."

Tumigil si Andrea sa pagsasalita at mayamaya lang ay narinig ko ang paghikbi nito.

Oh, Andrea. I'm sorry I can't comfort you right now. I'm really sorry.