Sherlock Oneshots (Mystrade/Johnlock/Mormor)

The Letter - Johnlock

John's P.O.V

It'd been nearly a year since Sherlock died, and I still wasn't over it. I thought about him every day, because I just couldn't get him out of my head. I felt so guilty; there was so many things that I'd never be able to tell him.

I took a liking to long walks; without having to chase a murderer, of course. I hadn't been able to even look at St. Bart's without completely losing it, but on the one year anniversary of his death, I decided to face my fears. I walked up to the roof, and looked around. Tears were forming in my eyes, but I didn't do anything to stop them.

I paced back and forth across the roof, letting the tears flow. I sat down near the edge, with my back against an elevated piece of concrete. I looked down beside me, and saw something tucked in a spilt in the concrete. I tugged on it gingerly, and realised it was an envelope. The corner that was sticking out was a tad bit soggy, but the rest of it was seemingly untouched. I flipped it out, and nearly had a heart attack.

It was addressed to me.

I tore it open without a moment of hesitation, and saw that inside was a multiple page letter. I unfolded it, and couldn't believe what I saw.

To: John H. Watson

From: W. Sherlock S. Holmes

I couldn't help but laugh about how he signed his name. Then, it fully hit me; Sherlock had written me a letter.

Dear John,

By the time you read this, I believe that I will no longer be in your life. For that, I am deeply sorry. If I stayed by your side for a second longer, you would be dead. So would others. I knew that if I had to leave to save your life, then I would do it in a heartbeat.

I regret many things. I regret the things that I never had the guts to tell you. There are so many things I want to say to you, but now I never will. So, to make it up to you, I shall write it here. Even though you won't be hearing it from me directly, writing it down is the next best thing.

Here goes.

For the longest time, I thought caring was a disadvantage. Becoming attached to someone, only to see them leave you, was a mistake that I refused to make. But, it seems that you are the exception to everything. I do indeed care about you. I am not the best at showing it, I know that, and now I'll never be able to make it up to you. For that, I am truly sorry. You deserve love and respect. Therefore, I don't deserve you.

I understand that you are not attracted to men, which regrettably includes me, and I know that I have to respect that. I wish I could change that fact, but clearly, I can't. You can't change people for your own benefit. I wouldn't dare change you; you are perfect the way you are. No one has the right to change you but yourself. But, I would ask you to never change. Because, as I said, you are perfect.

I have never cared for anyone but myself. That much is evident. But again, you are an exception to this. I care about you more than I have ever cared about anymore, including myself. I think of you in a way that I have never thought of someone before; it scares me to say that I love you, but I suppose there's no reason to dance around the obvious anymore. I have loved you since the day we met. The moment you called me amazing made me feel like the luckiest person in the world. Most people instantly dislike me, but you're not 'most people'. Clearly.

I am very sorry for all the trouble I have caused you over the years. All you wanted was a flat share and flatmate to help pay the rent. But instead, you got me. I like to think I made things interesting for you, but I'll never really be sure.

I truly am sorry for leaving you. I wish I didn't have to, but as I said, I'd much rather save you than myself. I understand that you won't be able to reciprocate the feelings I have for you, and that's okay. There's nothing I can do about it, and I have come to accept that a long time ago. Obviously, I care about you very much. And of course, I would never want you to hate me. If you do end up hating me, I can't say I blame you. I hate myself too.

I hope that you are doing as well as you can, and I genuinely hope that you don't hate me after I read this.

Love,

Sherlock

"Oh my- oh my god!" I gasped, completely breathless. I hadn't said anything whilst reading the letter. I didn't want to interrupt anything that Sherlock wanted to say. I couldn't believe it; he thought I didn't love him. Boy, was he wrong. "You... you read my mind..." I sobbed into my hands, and I crumpled to the ground.

"Did I?"

Fuck. I missed that voice.

Wait.

I spun around, and saw the most beautiful man in the whole world standing a few metres away from me.

He was too far away.

I sprinted over to him and wrapped my arms around him. I didn't know what else to do. I stepped back from him, and forcefully slapped him in the face.

"I suppose I was asking for that..." He grumbled, rubbing the side of his face that I hit.

"Get over here." I mumbled. He stepped closer to me, still a little nervous. I gripped the collar of his gorgeous navy coat and kissed him so roughly that I thought I might knock him to the ground. It was something I had been so afraid to do for years. It was all worth it. He kissed back after a few moments, and took my face in his hands. I felt so comfortable and safe with him. I never wanted to let him go. Ever again.

"Never leave me again." I whispered into his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair and held me close to him.

"I won't. I promise."

"I love you, too."

"I know."