Our little secret | Jev

16. Unnerved

Lev's POV

It had been a week since my mom had left for Russia and I still hadn't told anyone. Things that week felt like the old days in terms of the squad, just a bunch of kids making content and hanging out. Me and Jentzen hadn't gotten much time to hang out without everyone around, so our interactions had been ones you'd normally see between friends but nonetheless they were the moments that kept a smile on my face.

I never realized how quiet living alone can be - it's almost the lack of noise that creates the feeling of loneliness rather than the feeling of missing someone or something. The contrast from leaving Piper's loud, full house to come back to my dead silent empty one hit me every night.

I didn't tell Jentzen that I was all alone because I knew he'd spend his time worrying about me, but at the same time it felt like I was hiding it from him - and the last thing I ever wanted between us was a lack of honesty. Jentzen was the one person I felt truly open with and I wanted him to feel the same for me.

"Hey" Emily greeted, sitting down next to me. I was in the gaming room, casually sitting on the bed. "Hey" I replied, giving her a brief hug. She smiled, adjusting her position so that she was facing me. "I have something to talk to you about" Emily announced. I raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Go on" I urged.

She let out a short sigh, looking down at her lap as if she was nervous to speak up. Emily was known to be quite a nervous person but the two of us were so close these days that it was unusual for me to see her like this.

"Is everything ok Lev? You've been seeming a bit down lately - not exactly sad, but you look like you try to hang around here for as long as possible and seem so sad when you have to leave. Is everything ok at home, or- sorry, I don't mean to overstep, I-" she rambled, tripping over her own words anxiously.

I cut her off with a short laugh, finding it amusing how worked up she was getting over a question. "Well, actually... ah, how do I say this without it sounding bad?" I questioned, more asking myself than Emily. "I'm.. alone." I stated.

Emily's eyes widened with alarm. "What do you mean by that?!" She gasped out loudly. I quickly hushed her, not wanting her to make too much noise and draw attention.

"What I mean by that is... my older brother back in Russia, he had an accident. He's a lot older so he lives alone and he didn't have anyone to care for him while he recovers. I didn't want to go and think about leaving J-... about leaving everyone behind... so I stayed back, alone. Really, it's not that ba-"

"What?" A voice from behind us called out. I turned around to see Jentzen standing in the doorway of the room, his arms sadly hanging by his side and his facial expression showing what seemed like hurt. I mentally cursed, knowing he had just heard what I said.

"Sorry, I... heard Emily shout or something, I came to make sure everything was ok- I should... I should go.." he mumbled, turning around to leave.

"Wait, Jentze-" before I could finish my sentence Jentzen had walked away. I slapped my forehead in frustration. "Sorryyyyy..." Emily apologized awkwardly. I got up to chase after Jentzen but Emily grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Wait, there's- something else I needed to talk to you about - the thing I've actually been nervous to tell you" Emily began. My eyes darted between Emily and the door. "It's really important" she pleaded, looking up at me with sad eyes.

"Emily, I'm sorry, I've really got to go right now. We'll talk about it later, yeah?" I mumbled passively, walking out the room to find Jentzen. Before I left the room, I heard Emily say one last thing under her breath.

"It's ok, forget about it."