Camo and Navy Blue [A Bensler Fan Fic]

Thirteen

Elliot took Olivia inside and made her some tea as she tried to calm herself down in the bathroom. Elliot didn't get much more information out of her, but planned to ask questions after she emerged from the bathroom.

"You didn't need to make me tea." Olivia sniffled as she walked out of the bathroom and moved into the kitchen.

"You like tea when you are sad, so I made you some." Elliot smiled awkwardly.

Olivia moved to Elliot and hugged him tightly, before moving to the kitchen table and slumping down onto a chair.

They sat and each drank a mug of tea before Elliot finally talked to Olivia.

"So you have a son..." Elliot trailed off nervously. Olivia kept her eyes locked to her mug as she nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I do... or I did." Olivia frowned.

"Liv, you are still a mom, even if you never got to hold your little boy or raise him." Elliot spoke, as he reached out and gently touched Olivia's hand.

"No, I'm not. I'm not a mom because my mother hurt me. She ruined every chance I had of being a parent... of being a wife." Olivia sniffled. She didn't want to cry again, but it was hard. Olivia wanted to be a mother and a spouse so badly, but now her chances seemed slimmer than ever before.

"You can't just give up. There is someone out there that is just waiting to love you, and-"

"Elliot, Kevin and I had plans! We had plans to raise our child together and get married! That will never happen, and I feel like if I were to move on and start a life with someone else, that it would be turning my back on the little boy I lost!" Olivia cried. She quickly pushed her chair back and stood.

Olivia would have started to pace or maybe even ran out the front door, but Elliot saw the signs and grabbed Olivia.

He pulled her tightly against his chest as she started to cry.

"You are always going to be a mother to your son, and Kevin will always be his father too. No matter what your mother says or your head is telling you, that won't change. You have a future out there, and you just need to find it. Until then, you aren't alone. Liv, you have me and the girls. We are your family, and I am your biggest support system." Elliot spoke loudly over Olivia's sobs.

///

Olivia passed out on Elliot's couch that night. Elliot was worried about leaving her downstairs alone, but he accidentally ran into the coffee table and Olivia didn't even stir.

"Morning." Olivia spoke shyly, as she padded into the kitchen the next morning. Elliot was already dressed in his uniform and ready to head in to the station.

"Hey, sleepyhead. How'd you sleep?" Elliot questioned.

"I'm okay... sorry about last night. I was emotional and exhausted. But today I am better."

"If you aren't better, you can tell me." Elliot frowned. Olivia took a slow breath before shaking her head.

"I gotta be better, El. We have to work today, and I need to get my head on straight. There are people out there who are going through worse things than I am. Like you, for example. You shouldn't have to hold my hand and make me feel better, especially since you just lost your wife." Olivia spoke stubbornly.

Elliot went to speak again, but Olivia cut him off.

"We need to stop by my place before heading to the station. I need my uniform and my weapon."

///

Olivia felt awkward around Elliot now that he knew her secret. Now that she had opened up to him about everything that had happened, and how she and Kevin were even further apart than before.

She kept helping Elliot out with the girls, but she shut herself off from Elliot. They didn't have nights of getting drunk and talking, and they never spent time together after Maureen and Kathleen went to bed. Olivia felt so bad for letting her pain and anger out for Elliot to see, that she decided to just bottle things up and put up her walls instead.

The weeks went by and Elliot watched as Olivia changed completely and lost her spark, so eventually he had to just push her into talking. So she didn't waste away anymore.

"Where do you think you are going?" Elliot asked one Friday night. Kathleen and Maureen were in bed, so the house was quiet.

Olivia turned around the door before eyeing her friend.

"What do you mean? I'm going home."

"No, Liv. You aren't. We are going to drink some of this whiskey and talk." Elliot smiled, as he held up his bottle of whiskey.

Olivia gave him a nervous look, before shaking his head.

"I'm okay, Elliot. I have laundry to do, and I'm sure you'd like to go two days without seeing my face." Olivia laughed weakly.

"Benson-"

"I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." Olivia breathed. She turned quickly and opened the front door, before freezing when Elliot's hand was laid against her waist.

"Please don't go, Liv... I miss you so much." Elliot begged.

"You miss me? We spend every day together... and most nights." Olivia whispered.

Elliot turned her around before looking her in the eyes. Elliot could tell how faded Olivia was, and her eyes had lost any spark that they once had. She had been bottling stuff up for so long, that it was eating at her.

"We may spend every day together, but that doesn't mean we talk or catch up." Elliot sighed.

Olivia bit her lip, before nodding slowly.

"El, the night that I opened up to you meant a lot to me... it scares me how important that night means to me." Olivia whispered.

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked awkwardly.

"You care so much about me, and that night made me feel different about you..."

"Different as in what?" Elliot sighed, since he didn't like that Olivia wasn't jumping straight to the point.

"I have a crush on you, Elliot Stabler. I feel the same way about you, that I felt about Kevin when we first started dating. You make me feel special, and I blocked all those feelings out before. But it's hard now, especially since you had to be so damn nice."