Camo and Navy Blue [A Bensler Fan Fic]

Nineteen

Olivia and Elliot gave themselves a few months of casually dating before deciding to make things official. They loved each other, and what they had together. Olivia really helped a lot once it finally hit the year anniversary since Kathy's passing.

"Thanks for coming with us." Elliot whispered, as he and Olivia stood outside of his van and took a few moments before getting the girls out.

"Thanks for asking me... it'll be nice to talk to Kathy." Olivia breathed. Elliot nodded slowly before wiping a tear from his cheek. He missed his wife so much, and the pain of her loss was so much worse today. It was like a knife in his chest.

"We should probably get the girls out..."

Olivia got Maureen and Kathleen out of their seats before they moved to the trunk, where Elliot had several bouquets of flowers. Then, hidden under one, was a stuffed animal.

"Mo, what is Opal doing back here?" Olivia asked, as she bounced Kathleen higher onto her hip.

"Mommy needs a friend..." Maureen trailed off nervously, as she grabbed the stuffed bear and clasped it to her chest.

"Love, are you sure? Opal is your best friend." Olivia spoke softly as Elliot stared at Kathy's grave from a distance.

"Mommy needs her more than I do. Is it okay?"

"It's more than okay. C'mon, love. We should get going."

Olivia and the girls walked ahead of Elliot, since he was far from ready for this. Once they got to Kathy's grave, Olivia laid down a blanket and knelt down on it.

"Mommy is in there?" Kathleen asked, as she titled her head to the side. 

"Yeah." Elliot spoke plainly as he stood behind the girls.

"But don't forget that your Mommy is always with you. At home and at school. Anywhere." Olivia explained. She didn't want the girls to think that their mother was only here at the cemetery. If they thought that, they'd want to visit her daily and it would be almost unhealthy for them.

The girls sat in silence and stared at the headstone. Elliot's name was on it too, and that caught Maureen's attention.

"Daddy, are you going to be here with Mommy when you are gone?" She asked, and that pushed Elliot too far. He sobbed and quickly tossed the flowers to the ground before running away.

///

Olivia and the girls drove around the cemetery in a failing attempt to find Elliot. When Olivia couldn't find him, she tried to call him, but he wouldn't pick up. So she called the sitter and asked if she could watch the girls for a few hours before going to search for Elliot again.

Olivia drove around until dark and didn't find her boyfriend at all. She went to bars, the precinct, and even the church that Elliot and the girls attend every single Sunday. Olivia was going to give up and start again in the morning before giving the cemetery one last shot.

"Elliot?" Olivia asked weakly as she walked around with her flashlight. She didn't enjoy being here after dark, so she prayed she could get out of here soon.

"I miss her so much." Elliot whimpered, as he sat up from where he had been laying beside Kathy's headstone.

"Oh, El." Olivia frowned, as she quickly made her way to where he was.

"What Mo said today... it makes me want to be back with Kathy so bad! I want to hold her and kiss her again! I want her to fall asleep against my shoulder like she used to do! I miss her laugh!" Elliot sobbed.

Olivia sank down beside Elliot before reaching out and gently caressing his tear soaked cheek.

"I know, El. You'll never stop missing her, but you gotta keep fighting. Maureen and Katie need you. They can't lose both parents."

"They need a mother. Their mother." Elliot sniffled.

"Kathy is gone, El. But you need to do is tell them about her all the time. Talking about Kathy may make things easier. Then you don't have to worry about forgetting about her." Olivia smiled weakly.

She kept herself from adding herself to the sentences. She didn't want Elliot to feel like she was trying to replace Kathy when she'd never do that.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" Elliot sniffled as he slipped closer to Olivia and rested his head against her shoulder.

"Yeah, I can do that."

///

Elliot cried himself to sleep that night, his head buried in Olivia's neck. When he awoke the next morning, Olivia was already awake and playing with his hair. She was stiff and hadn't moved in hours, but she refused to wake Elliot up to make herself more comfortable.

"You didn't move me." Elliot yawned.

"You slept so deeply last night that I don't think I would have been able to." Olivia whispered. She moved slightly and kissed the top of Elliot's head before going back to running her fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry about last night, Liv. For scaring you and probably saying some pretty uncomfortable things."

"Don't apologize. You are allowed to have rough nights."

They laid there for a few more moments before Elliot spoke again.

"I'd like you to move in here, love."

"W-what?"

"We need you around more often. Like, full time. I hate when you go home at night, and I know the girls do too." Elliot breathed as he pushed himself into the sitting position.

Olivia pushed herself up and eyed her boyfriend. They had only been official for a little over a month, so Olivia didn't think this question would come for a while.

"This is your home with Kathy... wouldn't it be wrong for me to stay here? To share this bed with you? What about using her kitchen? That was her favorite part of the house." Olivia rambled, as her heart pounded in her chest.

"We need you... she'd understand."

"Would she though? Elliot, I love you and your children. But you made me promise to not replace Kathy. And moving in here and sharing this bed... raising her children... that is replacing her."