| 1st Book In Devil May Care Series |
If you're going to start a war, you better know what you're fighting for.
The voices in her head won't stop but pain is something she's use too. Azrael lives a life shedding tears of sadness, she hates the world...
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I breathe deeply through my nose, running both my hands through my hair when I exit Azrael's hospital room.
"Regretting it, yet?" Loki's voice rings out. My head snaps up at his intrusion. He looked exhausted as he stared back at me. His hair was unkept and all over the place and his fingers kept twitching as if he were searching for a fight.
I grit my teeth, "I thought you left."
"Tell me something." He ignores me, "What did Jai make you do while you were away?" He asks, with no hesitation. "Better yet, what did he do to you? Why didn't you come back?" His face is void of any emotion as he fires questions at me.
I hold back a flinch at questions, "I already told you." I defend weakly.
He sneers, "No. You told us why you left." His head is shaking, "You told us you had to protect Kaio and his sisters. You didn't tell us why." He continues, "Tell me what happened." He demands, "Tell me the truth so that I can let all the anger I feel towards you go."
I let out a weak laugh, "I thought you forgave me."
"I did." He nods, "I do but that doesn't mean I forgot how you left us." His lips purse at my obvious wince, "I'll never forget it. Do want to know why?" I shake my head but he continues anyways, "Because the day after you left, I came home looking for you. I had gotten jumped and the first person I wanted was my big brother, the person who promised me he'd have my back through whatever. I came looking for you in hopes you'd help me but you weren't there so I waited and waited and each day I kept getting my ass beat in hopes you'd just come save me." His smile is bitter, "Then I stopped waiting. Stopped hoping and started holding onto my anger."
His shudder is evident, "And then one day I just snapped. For the first time in my life I fought back and I felt relief at the thought of finally defending myself until I realized the person I was fighting back was barely breathing." He breathes, "I almost killed him...I might have killed him. I don't know because I ran straight home after, I didn't call for help. I just left him there without looking back." He admits, swallowing down his pain. "I've always had this anger pent up since I was a kid, you know? Tantrums, mood swings, randomly getting depressed without knowing the reason but that was the first time I had ever physically acted on it." He explains, his eyebrows furrowed like he was afraid to say whatever he was going to say next.
His exhale is shaky, "I knew it was bad." He tells me, "I knew when I started fighting. I knew when I started drinking to erase it. I knew when I started drugs to numb it." His fists clench and his eyes fall shut, "But I didn't really really know until I went home and I seen Azrael waiting for me." His voice cracks and my heart stumbles in my chest. "She didn't know I was home yet. I seen her through the window." His eyebrows furrow, "She was crying." He whispers, "And I knew it was because of me that time. She was crying because she was holding on to the hope that I let go." He wipes at his face roughly.
