Needs- N.B. & D.D

Chapter 21: Apologies

Dixies POV:
I feel empty. Completely empty. My heart that once felt whole, and happy, is now empty, and dark. I know I should've trusted Noah. Especially after he's shown me all this love and support. Even after I told him about my treatment, he stuck with me. He's the one who told me to continue going to the doctor. And what I gave him in return, were trust issues.

I don't know why I didn't trust him. Out of everyone in my life, he's the only one I actually can trust. And yet I didn't. I couldn't. In the moment, my body responded with nothing but anger. I couldn't even process what I said, until I said it. And when I said it, I immediately regretted it.

I hurt him. I know I did, even without him saying anything. That look in his eyes, destroyed me in more ways than one. It hurt me to see him in so much sudden pain. And what hurts even more, is knowing that I caused it. I hurt him in a way he should have never been hurt.

He's only ever shown me that he was going to stay and be here for me. He has loved me in a way that no one else ever has, and a gift in return I gave him pain. Pain that he should in no way be experiencing.

I've learned to love him, in more ways than I ever knew possible. I'm myself when I'm with him. And I know that he loves me unconditionally, despite all of my flaws. Well, at least loved. I'm not sure if he does anymore. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't. He has every right to hate all of my guts.

But despite all of this, I need to try to get him back. I owe it to him to show how much I love him. How much I truly trust him, even though I didn't show it a week ago. I wanted to give him time, I felt like he needed it. He got betrayed by me, and that's not something you just recover from easily.

"Look, just give me 5 minutes, then if you want to dump me, you can." I pleaded in front of his door. He wasn't letting me in any further. "I don't know if I can trust you." He clearly said that to spite me. "I deserved that." I sighed before realizing that he opened his door farther. "2 minutes." He spoke, gesturing me to come in, and I did, almost immediately.

Before speaking, I took a deep breath, thinking quickly about everything that I needed to say. "First of all, I wanted to start off by apologizing. I said I didn't trust you. And I know that that hurt you." He looked at me sadly after closing the door. "Noah, I love you more than I love life itself. You have shown me what it feels like to be loved, and that's something that I was never able to experience before."

"I have changed so much since I met you, but that person that I used to be is still deep down inside of me. And she came out that day. Seeing you with Madison, I was more jealous than I was mad. She was touching you, and if you were hers." Even over his sad expression, I saw a slight smile starting to form.

"I was so used to seeing you, touching you, and just being around you everyday, that when I was without you, I didn't know how to survive. A part of me triggered when I saw you, that I didn't even give you a chance to speak." I walked closer to him, needing to touch him soon, before I lost my mind.

"I am so sorry that I didn't listen to you. I trust and love you so much. I know I hurt you. And I should be punished because of it. But I can't see myself without you. You have changed my life in so many ways. Out of everyone in my life, you have been the only one that has loved me and stuck with me."

"I really do love you Noah, more than I could ever understand. You make my heart beat fast everytime I just look at you. Seeing you smile makes me smile. I love every single thing about you, even the things that you hate. You're perfect for me Noah Beck, and I couldn't see myself with anyone else."