deciphered

my letters to you I

"Stop crying. We're almost there."

Leia pressed down on the clutch, upshifting her car into fourth gear. She turned her head towards you—the edges of your sleeves drenched in tears as your knees trembled in the passenger seat. You buried your face into your hands, the surface of your palms sticky and wet from your sobs. Driving through Katsushika City, you and Leia were on the way to visit Kuroo and Oikawa for the first time in several months.

After their arrest, it was an almost immediate sentence. Japan's carceral system was among the harshest in the world—making it impossible for Kuroo and Oikawa to prove their innocence. The conviction rate in Japan was well up to ninety-nine percent, none of which ever proved guilty for their crimes. It was a straight shot from their detainment to the cells within the Tokyo Detention House, leaving no room for a trial or set bail on their accused murder.

You remembered the shrill panic in Oikawa's eyes when the law enforcement shoved him forcefully into the backseat, using up all the strength within his body trying to escape from their grip. Leia held you close, a single tear dripping out from her left eye as she watched Kuroo obediently step into a separate police vehicle, the expression on his face looking crushed and utterly defeated.

At the turn of the new day, you and Leia stayed crouched at the entrance of the hospital silently sobbing to each other, facing the reality of the situation. You dealt with the agonizing thought of Iwaizumi fighting for his life in a hospital bed, coupled with Oikawa facing a life sentence in prison. Your world shattered right there just within a few minutes, your whole existence seeming to feel like it was worth nothing anymore.

Leia had to drive Kuroo's vehicle back home, parking it into the empty space of Kenma's garage. She went to bed that night and crawled up into a ball, staring up into the ceiling of the run-down shitty apartment she shared with Kuroo. Placing a hand on her stomach, a heavy feeling weighed on her chest—she didn't even get to tell him she was having his baby.

Kuroo and Oikawa were smart enough to drop their keys onto the pavement before the police detained them, insinuating that there was no worry for you and Leia to make it home. After spending time in the hospital waiting room anxiously, standing by for a doctor's word on Iwaizumi's condition—you clicked the button on Oikawa's car keys, unlocking his RX-7. While wrapping your fingers around the door handle, you couldn't help but think about him.

The swing of the car door felt heavy; the bitter smell of metal and hints of caramel vapor rushing through your face. It reeked of despair, forcing you to remember the thought of what happened a few hours ago; it shot a gruesome pain up your spine. Reliving those memories, even when it just happened the same day—it caused physical pain to your body, an underlying ache creeping underneath your skin.

The minute you sat down in the driver's seat, your body sank low, an uncomfortable feeling situated at the pit of your stomach. When you adjusted the seat to your height preference, you placed your left hand on the gearshift and stared out into the open night sky—closing your eyes before you dropped your forehead on the tip of the steering wheel, sobbing profusely.

As tears dripped down the soft leather, you reclined your head back into the seat and wiped your hands over both of your eyes. You inhaled a large breath of air, a soft hysterical laugh escaping your lips before slapping your tear-coated left hand onto your mouth—pinching your eyes shut as a muffled scream erupted from the top of your lungs.

The doctors had told you Iwaizumi was going to live.

It was the one silver lining in the heap of all the chaos. The emergency surgery went well as expected, his body slowly but surely recovering physically from the trauma induced afflictions of the accident. Yet, he still remained in the intensive care unit. The loss of oxygen to his system severely damaged his brain, putting him into a coma-induced vegetative state. He remained that way for several months, not sure when he would wake up.