the fine line between us ¹ ∣ ʙ.ʙ

2. dealing with a monster

          IT HAD BEEN TWO DAYS SINCE the Lagos incident, and no one has heard from the Avengers and what they have been doing. Y/n was trapped in her hotel room, nervous that Natasha was trying to find her for some reason, so she simply trusted her gut to remain in the room until it was time. 

From the moment she escaped Dreykov's control. It was not only possible for Y/N to dress how she wished, but also to do whatever she wanted. 

There was a lot of that that was just getting back under control, but I also had more freedom with Val. In spite of everything the Red Room forced her to do, her guilt still consumed her. Since she only joined at the age of ten, she has been killing people since the age of 16 before she could even drink. 

In her mind, she believed that Dreykov and other people were her real family, but she knew that her real family was somewhere out there probably looking for her, or perhaps they had given up on her. Her mind was constantly occupied with thoughts of what happened in the red room, despite the fact that it has been less than ten years since she left it. 

The Soviet Union disintegrated and the Red Room became a remnant.

Due to these experiences, she considered herself a monster, a person without feelings. Despite her desire to remember all those she killed, she was burdened with the guilt of almost millions of deaths. She was unable to recall many of them, only one of whom was James Barnes. 

However, like Valentina, she was trying to help people rather than killing innocent people who had not hurt her in any way. 

As a result, she was placed in Therapy to deal with the thoughts associated with what transpired in the red room. 

"How are things?" Her Therapist asked as Y/n lay on the sofa tired, counting she didn't get much sleep in anticipation of the vacation she is allowed. She had messy brown hair and a mixed complexion. "This is our last session..." 

Y/n hummed with her eyes closed wanting to get some sleep, "Have you been thinking about anything that had to do with your past-" Y/n still hasn't opened up to her Therapist in the way she was supposed to. The only thing she knew about Y/n was simply her name, Y/n was too scared to say anything about the Red Room, scared that they were listening in. 

"No" She simply said, ending with a grin on her face. "I have been working a lot, but I feel like shit all the time," 

"Mhm...You are now on vacation is that right?" The Therapist asked, sitting with a notepad on her lap. In response, Y/N looked over at her for a moment before staring dramatically up at the ceiling. "Have you talked to Natasha..." 

"No..." She simply said. "I should...Shouldn't I? Last time we talked, well- saw each other I had to move" Y/n explained sitting up on the couch. Y/n's therapist nodded as she looked at her and paid attention to her. "She's most likely busy...I mean you saw everything on the news-" 

"It's worth a shot," her therapist suggested. After sighing, Y/n looked towards the ceiling again before rising to her feet. "That's time...Please listen to your real self...not what was made..." 

In an effort to end the sessions, Y/n hummed before walking out of the therapist's office for the last time. Since they had started talking when she emerged from the haze, she did not consider going back. 

⁂

A young woman stood in the kitchen of her apartment wearing a red oversized shirt and biker shorts. In her apartment, which was quite small but homey with dark wood countertops and white countertops.

There was a light grey refrigerator and stove with rags hanging from their handles in a dark red colour. There was a circular table near a bookshelf in the living room that could be seen from the kitchen. 

In her living room, she had a television of average size, a dark wooden shelf supporting it, and grey couches with dark red pillows. There were wooden floors throughout the apartment as well as a carpet in the kitchen in case anything leaked.

It was not uncommon for Y/n to stare at her phone on the white countertop, hoping it would ring instead of having to call Natasha directly. Y/n turned on her phone and began dialling Natasha's number while quietly watching television in the back. 

She wished not to hurt Natasha because Dreykov still remained in her head. It was inevitable that he would remain in her mind no matter what. It was as if he were a part of her, and she felt like a monster as a result. She was forced to deal with the monster every day. 

The only person who was not in the red room at the time of the events there was Natasha, who wanted her family back. It was Y/n's desire to help them escape but she was not able to do so because she did not know how she had escaped. 

Her eyes were fixed on the phone as she typed the numbers into it. In response, she pressed the button while the phone started ringing. She placed her phone up to her ear and awaited an answer. The ringing phone drove her insane, as she waited for Natasha's voice to be heard over and over again.

In response to a beep, Y/n hung up, but turned to the television, furrowing her eyebrows and turning it up with the remote control. Before sitting on the couch in front of the television, she walked over and sat down. 

"More than 70 people have been injured. At least 12 are dead, including Wakanda's King T'Chaka. Officials have released a video of a suspect who they have identified as James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier. The infamous HYDRA agent, linked to numerous acts of terrorism and political assassinations."

She sighed as she realized it was another matter with the winter soldier, the last time she heard of him, Val had hired her to kill him. He could not be found, he was like a ghost. 

It was a flurry of activity as Y/n clutched her phone swiftly and confidently typed Natasha's number while putting her phone to her ear, pacing back and forth while listening to the news about how wonderful King T'Chaka was before his passing.

Nothing

She typed Val's number before putting it to her ear. "Hello Widow-" Valentina said with a grin on her face, which Y/n could hear. "How is vacation going?" She was about to ask to come back to work and help with everything happening but then something came over her causing her to sigh. 

"Wonderful, last session today" Y/n commented while using a fake smile in order to hear it. "Just checking in..."

"I knew I liked you," Val replied before laughing slightly, "I should get going. Alma has something for me." Y/n hummed before the phone rang and went blank. Y/N sighed as she glanced at the television, which was showing a picture of the winter soldier.

His brown hair, which reached his shoulders, was the only thing visible. One-half of his face was hidden under the hat. 

James Barnes...

Y/n stood up from her couch and walked into her bedroom, her barefooting touching the wooden floor, which was a normal-sized room with a queen-sized bed. After ducking under her bed, she grabbed a cardboard box from under it, placing it on top of the white sheets, slightly denting the bed. 

She glanced down at the box, put her hand into it, and then moved objects out of the way as she looked down. Her fingers grasped a tan folder before pulling it out of the box. She sat next to the box before opening the file. 

Her hand was filled with the feeling of paper as she looked down at the document. In fact, it was the same file she had received on her first mission three years earlier. As she looked down at all the information about him, it contained all of the necessary information about him.