Megan
I got some more tests myself. Well, I got Normani to buy them for me and now Twitter is speculating she might be pregnant. And the results still came out a mix of positive and negative.
I'm now like a few weeks late to my period.
I have no choice but to tell Nicki and I scheduled an appointment already. I'm sure I might need a blood test.
It's been 4 minutes of me typing things out and stuff but I instead decided to just grab my keys. The appointment is in 2 hours. I was gonna call Onika after the whole tussling thing with Karly two days ago but I don't know. I got so overwhelmed seeing the sea of positives and negatives.
Onika is the only person who can bring me peace right now.
I knock on the door and Onika opens. Amira is behind her but Onika shoos her away. I usually tell Amira everything since she's one my closest friends, but I didn't wanna open my mouth about this to her just yet.
Amira walks off, I'm guessing to her bedroom.
"Hey." Onika smiles, but subtly.
It makes me feel more at ease.
"Hey, Meg. You good?"
"I gotta talk to you." I say shakily. But yeah I'm good."
"Ight." Onika brings me inside the house and we go to her bedroom and she shuts the door. "Sit down."
And I do.
I sigh. How do I go about this? The room feels comfortable and familiar, yet hot.
Onika takes my hands.
"First, I'm sorry about Karly. I'm done with ha fully as a friend. She was overstepping." I pause before I finish. "I might also be pregnant."
Nicki freezes and looks me deep in the eyes. I feel her quick pulse in her hands.
"MEGAN—- you know for sure?"
"I don't know for sure, I couldn't get definitive answers on the storebought tests so im going to an appointment. You the only person I have been with for the past almost 9 years." I say truthfully. "You wanna come to the appointment with me, Nick?"
"Is that even a question? Yes!"
Nicki has a smile on her face. It makes all the weight fly off of my shoulders.
"But don't tell anyone until an answer is had."
Nicki nods, "But how you been feeling?"
"Scared."
"Don't be. No matter the result I'm always gonna be here fa you."
"Thanks, Nika." I say. "I just wanna know what result I'm gonna get."
"Me too." She says. "When is the appointment? Lay down, you look petrified."
I lay down and Onika brings her blanket over my shoulders.
"At 3." it's 12:50 now.
"How far is it?"
"Like 30 minutes away."
"Ight. Try to fall asleep."
I feel so safe and okay here that I finally fall asleep after a sleepless night. Onika's hand trails onto my stomach and rubs around it.
If anything, I'm glad Onika of all, is the potential mother. I'm going through all of this with her.
____________
Nika and I are laid up before we open the results. She said she wanted to make me something to eat and I can't talk Nicki out of spoiling me. Not that I want her to.
It's been like 2 days since and I had Onika come and sleep over with me. I just needed her and still need her.
The both of us feel hot with anxiety and worry as we open up the envelope together, her hand on mine.
This is the scariest thing ever.
I shake a bit and Onika just kiss my cheek.
"It's okay, just open it."
I finally unfold the papers and see the formal introduction. I scoop my eyes down and I let out a shaky breath.
"Oh."
I can't tell how I feel.
"Negative."
Onika has a blank expression and I'm kind of disappointed. I didn't want children until I met Onika. I feel like she'd make an awesome mother. But if it's not time to be moms right now, I guess it isn't.
I hug her close.
She told me that due to her intersex condition she was deemed infertile sometime around the start of puberty. She was holding out for hope I can tell. It hurts me to see her so blank.
I run my fingers through the back of her hair and she sighs.
"You good?" She asks.
I nod, really I don't know how to feel. "What about you?"
She just shakes her head.
"Imma give you your baby one day. I promise." I kiss her.
I genuinely do see Nicki in my future. Onika just smiles and holds me close.
We look further into the results in the envelope and see that my symptoms are due to a medication I've been taking for the past 6 months. I'm off it and my doctor put me on something new and my period should be back soon.
Such a head scratcher.
Onika plays with my hair and ears a bit and looks at me.
"What?"
"Nun." She says. "Whole thing made me realize that Ion wanna eva lose you. You all I want, Meg and... I'm sorry I fucked up all those years ago."
I cuddle into her, "I'm yours, you mine. You neva stopped bein' mine."
Onika holds me tighter than before and I'm so comfortable I basically fall asleep.
"I love you, Stalli."
"I love you, Barbie."
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Thoughts?
