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I was kneeling in front of Kagaya, who was standing on a podium in front of me. We were in the yard outside his estate's main doors. With a shadow cast over my eyes, I gazed to the ground, my unusually dull (e/c) eyes hidden. As the stone ground mirrored my deep shadow, I kept a permanent frown on my face.
Kagaya stared at me with sorrow as he frowned. "(Y/N), it's good to see you again" He spoke calmly hoping for a response, but got none. His frown deepened as he sighed softly. "Do you know why you're here?" He inquired as he attempted a small smile, only to fail and make his frown deepen. I shook my head gently as I kept my gaze to the ground. "I heard that during the final selection you killed over 50 demons." He paused, furrowing his brows and letting out a breath. "Because of this news, I came to a conclusion." I stayed still, not giving a reaction. "Along with your master's recent...departure." I tensed " I believe this conclusion will be best for you" He spoke slowly, making sure I understood. He pursed his lips before continuing "In place of Jomei Ito...I'm appointing you... as the new wind hashira." He finished with a sad exhale.
I clenched my teeth and closed in on myself, lowering my head while gritting my teeth and pursing my lips before nodding slowly and reluctantly. My brows furrowed as I firmly gripped the blade that hung from my belt. The Katana was Jomei's sword, and I hadn't taken it out of my possession since he and Akahana died only three days ago.
Kagaya walked down from his platform as I began to shake faintly. He walked over to me carefully and placed his warm arms around my body. His embrace brought back memories for me and caused me to frown deeper than before. Kagayacaressed circles on my back while resting my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, (Y/N). I really am.". As my shoulders shook, he whispered softly. I didn't make the effort of hugging back as I attempted to enjoy the comfort of his warm hold around me.
I closed my eyes and savored the comfort. "....Don't apologize." His mouth parted and his eyebrows raised. "It's not your fault...Don't blame it on yourself." I sighed. "...It's my fault for going to the final selection in the first place." I felt his hold tighten. "If I didn't go...I could've protected them...So if it's anyone's fault...it's mine." I finished and swallowed the lump in my throat.
This was the first time I had spoken since their deaths.
'Why aren't I crying?' I thought desperately to myself. 'Please tell me why I'm not crying! Did I not love them enough to let my body feel sad? ....Did I not love them?' I took a shaky breath. 'God, just let me cry...let me feel something about their deaths.'
He sighed once again before he spoke. "Don't say that." He gently comforted me. "You just wanted to make them proud." Kagaya continued to rub circles on my back. "And I know, better than anyone, that Jomei has never been more proud of a student than he was with you." I leaned further into his shoulder and clenched my fists. "I am also very proud of you, (Y/N)...It's not easy becoming a hashira, and I greatly respect you for that...Especially with all that you've been through." He smiled lightly and softly looked at my shaky form while comforting me.
