Glory [ Robert. Gould. Shaw]

19

(Note: Song All too Well by Taylor Swift will be significant in this chapter and the rest of the story you can play it while reading this chapter)

  Elizabeth

 She had lost track of days. How long has it been since the "break-up"? Elizabeth scoffed at that. What break-up? They weren't even together. What seemed to be blossoming into a relationship got cut off right before it began. The girl felt foolish. Foolish for letting her feelings overtake her. How could Robert ever feel for her? He had always had a soft spot for their childhood friend, Annie Haggerty.

  Elizabeth wanted to hate the girl; so badly. However, she couldn't bring it upon herself to hate her friend for something that she has no control over. Shaking her head, she now could tell her that her so-called "unrequited" feelings towards Robert was not so unrequited after all. 

  Letting out a sigh, she started blankly at the parchment that sat on her desk. For the past few hours, she has been writing nonsense. Well, put in more descriptive words; writing a song about her feelings. This is how she would cope. Staring at the words some more, she frowned, unsatisfied. When an idea popped into mind, she hastily scribbled her quill to write it down. She needed a distraction. This was the distraction. 

"And I know it's long gone and that magic's not there no more, and I might be okay, but I'm not.... fine at all...oh, oh, oh...."

  With each line she wrote, she sung out the lyrics, putting all her heart and feelings into it. How hurt she felt, how much love she still has to give for Robert. Call her foolish, but she would do anything to be on good terms with him again.

  "Wind in my hair, I was there I remember it all too well...."

Robert

 Slamming his hands down against the desk angrily, Robert sighed in frustration as he sat down in his chair, trying to calm himself down. It has been a stressful day, to say the least. Soldiers bothering him..... When are we going to war? This, and.... I want to learn how to fight! That.

  Good Lord, he understood them. He understood their frustrations. Try as he may, he was only a Colonel. Even with the rank of a General, Rosie, couldn't do anything about it. Only President Lincoln could. Rosie......that name sent a pang of hurt into his heart. Guilt clawed onto him and dove it's way into his heart, making it bleed. 

  Swallowing a lump that has formed in his throat, he stood up and left his tent. Fresh air. He needed it. Letting himself wander around, he hadn't noticed that he had stopped in front of Rosie's tent. Standing there for a few moments, he debated on checking in on her. Then, it was as if someone spilled ice cold water all over him. What are you thinking, Robert?!

  Shaking his head rapidly, he turned on his heel to walk away; but it was at that moment when he heard the most angelic singing he's ever heard come from inside Rosie's tent. She is singing. Good lord, it was the most beautiful sound that he had ever heard. It was as if no matter how much he tried to move his feet forward, they stood planted firmly on the ground. He had no choice but to listen.

  "He's gonna say it's love, you never called it what it was...'Til we were dead and gone and buried.. Check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same..."

 He swallowed. Those words were about them.... making his heart clenched painfully when he heard the pain and helplessness in Rosie's voice. I caused it. He thought miserably. Shame on you.

  "And I know it's long gone and...There was nothing else I could do...And I forget about you long enough...To forget why I needed to..."

  Tears made it's way down Robert's cheeks, completely uninvited. He had messed up. Big time. He cursed himself. Fuck him. Fuck everything. Fuck the war. Fuck this life. Fuck-

  "Well, maybe we got lost in translation...Maybe I asked for too much...But maybe this thing was a masterpiece...'Til you tore it all up...Running scared, I was there...I remember it all too well...And you call me up again just to break me like a promise...So casually cruel in the name of being honest.. I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here... 'Cause I remember it all, all, all.."

  His mind went uncontrollable, remembering the beautiful nights he had spent with Rosie. When they were kids, teenagers, and adults, few weeks ago, few months ago.... His mind thought back to Rosie's happy laughter and that gorgeous smile on her face. He had made a promise to himself back then, that he would never be the reason Rosie sheds a tear. 

  She in return, had said, "Don't make promises that can't be kept." Robert didn't believe her then. Now, he felt foolish. Foolish to believe that he could keep that promise. Robert had always been good at keeping promises. He had kept every one that he had made. It seemed; however, that he had broken the most important one of them all; and he hated himself for it.

   "They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new Hell....Every time you double-cross my mind..."

  Robert felt like he was punched in the gut when he heard those next words. Blinking rapidly, he wiped away the tears that streamed down his face. How could he have screwed up this badly? His men. He thought. He was doing this for his men. But then..... Rosie.....

  "Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well? Just between us, do you remember it all too well?.... Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there... Down the stairs, I was there, I was there... Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there...It was rare, you remember it."

  The music stopped. He glanced at his pocket watch. Ten minutes. The song was ten minutes long. He balled his hands into fists. How had he messed up so badly, hurt her so much that she would feel the need to write a ten minute song about this? He felt like a fool. He felt horrible. 

  It was almost enough to make him run into her tent, get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. Key word being almost. His eyes drifted to look at the thousands of tents displayed. Closing his eyes angrily, the rest of the tears fell down his face. No. He was a Colonel. He would not be the reason why many lives are lost. He couldn't. He couldn't stand the guild and shame. He'd rather be dead. But then again... had said he'd rather die then to hurt Rosie, and look how that ended.

  Taking in a shaky breath and taking one last look behind his shoulder, to the tent that had warm, inviting light seeping through the cracks, the one where the love of his life stayed, before shaking his head and walking back to his tent.

  This is for this best.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

DAMN.... well, that was harsh.

Just so you know, the song used in this chapter was one of my favorites written by the one and only Taylor Swift. It is by no means, mine, even though I want it to be lol. I felt as if this song was the best description of Robert and Elizabeth's relationship. 

AND.... ignore how it sounds very modern lol.... I only put the important parts of the song in this chapter. The part that fits this and it doesn't have anything to do with cars or whatever since they obviously didn't have that back then.. Or do they..... 🥴 ya never know.

  IF TAYLOR FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ME HAVING THIS ON HERE THEN I WILL TAKE IT DOWN. Although I highly doubt that she reads Wattpad lmao.

OKAY, now that's a long author's note. Hope ya'll enjoy.

PEACE

 P.S The words for this chapter:  1345 (Angel number!!!)