Just Knowing You

Chapter 22: Otis

This is fucking torture.

Being so close to G, and not being able to talk to her when she looks so goddamn beautiful right now.

Sure, she always looks beautiful, but right now these feelings are intensified by the lack of her in my system. I haven't even tasted her and I'm already hooked. Just the thought of her, the reminders of her.

I didn't say happy birthday to her today. I'm an asshole.

I don't deserve her now, but even if I did try to get her back, she'd never let me back into her life. I don't blame her.

I didn't know if she'd want me to be here today but I took my chances and came anyways. I wonder if she misses me the way I miss her lately... Does she wonder why I'm so distant? Does she care? I hope she buried me in her mind as deep as possible, even though it physically hurts me to think this, I know it's the only way. If she gets even a glimmer of hope to keep up her efforts towards me she'll go after it and I'm not sure I can handle more of G's efforts in making me smile.

She had been trying though—really hard—to make me smile today and it kills me to know I have to keep breaking that little heart of hers.

The thing is, we are friends.

Were. We were friends.

When Speedy was my friend, we had each other. We had fun. We connected some way in those couple weeks and we really started to know each other, and the feeling I get when I'm near her is magnetic.

Whenever I'm around her it feels like I need to let myself loose and just hug her and never let her go because that's the only way I'll be able to function for the rest of my life.

Talk about sappy bullshit.

I'd never thought I'd feel this way. Ever. I think my mom and dads separation fucked me up in more ways than I thought. I never really realized it until now, but the wounds run deep and I don't know if G was patching the wound unknowingly or if I'm crazy, but I felt better than I ever remembered when I was with her.

When I was with Speedy, I felt alive. I felt like a human being. A human being who can process emotions properly, and leaves their heart open for the taking.

The memories flash through my mind at hyper speed as I'm standing between Zack and James who are talking to some businessmen who wanted to talk about being an alumni at our high school. I'm barely listening with my preoccupied mind flooding to the brim making me drown in my thoughts.

I talk about the times I spent with G as if they were 7 years ago, but these couple weeks sure have felt like years.

"Well, Genevieve Beck, I haven't seen you since you were about this high," I whip my head toward the noise searching through the thin crowd of people till my eyes focus on a woman gesturing a small height with her hand as Genevieve politely smiles and responds too quietly for me to hear.

She's so shy. I've noticed that since before I even met her.

I don't know why, she has no reason to be...

I think most guys or girls would be entertained when talking to her, and they'll never get the chance to know this witty, and funny person who could charm two bulls to hug.

I'll never be able to know her again...

The thought scares me shitless and I avert my eyes away from the chattering pair and back toward the old man who probably peaked in high school considering all of these 'wild memories' he has from 'back in the day'.

"Oh, you shoulda seen me on field boys. I was really somethin compared to these wussies out there in this day and age..."

We all chuckle awkwardly and make some more small talk as we slowly leave the conversation so we don't seem rude.