Just Knowing You

Chapter 24: Genevieve

The night of the party I was ecstatic.

He laughed.

He actually smiled at me.

I really had hope that it was all over, that he was finally over whatever rut had overtaken him within the past few weeks.

Then the next day it was all wrecked. I ruined everything, like I always do. I just wish I could be a normal person who can make friends, and keep friends. I always ruin it. I'm probably annoying, or ugly, or a bad person and this is just my karma.

I know I shouldn't have gotten hope that easily.

I mean one laugh, and what... he's my best friend? I'm such an idiot, he even left early, he probably only came because he felt obligated too.

Around 20 minutes after taking those pictures with everyone I decided to find Scar to see if she knew where Otis was...

"No, sorry honey I don't..."

"No that's fine... I just wanted to talk... to... him."

As I start walking away to maybe go up to my room for a social break, I came to a halt when I see Otis stalking down the stairs. He didn't even look at anybody as he left, only briskly walked out of my house towards his car.

It didn't disappoint me, at least not really. Not as much as what he said the next day, but also I don't think I would allow myself to feel that kind of disappointment for something that shouldn't mean anything; like walking out of my house.

Even though I wasn't as disappointed on Thursday, it didn't stop me from going to sleep with a couple tear drops on the pages of my journal after writing my very short but very to the point entry about my feelings towards Otis Grey lately.

How I like him despite my efforts. How I wish I was sitting next to him right now and had the gut to ask him why? Why is he being mean? Does he not like me anymore? And what did I do?

But as I closed my journal for the first time in a couple months of not writing, I felt guilty. Guilty that I was thinking so much about someone that clearly wasn't ready to give me what I wanted. That's not his fault and I need to stop freezing him out like he's freezing me out. He needs my support with whatever he's going through right now to get back to his normal self.

Those thoughts were sorely wrong. I should not have listened to them.

On Friday I did my best to be as kind to Otis as I could. I just wanted him to be happy again, but I overstepped. Clearly.

He told me some bad stuff, pretty loudly, in his car. I wish I never met him right now.

I feel like his life would be better without me in it. I'm just burdening him and everybody else with all my issues and insecurities and they don't deserve that.

They deserve better.

That finally brings us to the present, where I am currently sitting in my purple pajama pants and yellow tank top on my bed with my computer playing some weird rom com while I, a disheveled teen girl, tears up with every scene the main character and her love interest are in together. It really doesn't help either that I got my period today.

I pause the movie and walk over to my bookshelf opening a book cover to a small spot with candy in it and I grab a bag of Skittles to eat while I cry.

I have three more of those books hidden in my shelf specifically for candy because I rarely get it on my mom's rules and I can't live without it.