Just Knowing You

Chapter 28: Genevieve

I'm absolutely, positively stunned. I can't believe that just happened. When Otis left my room last night, I probably stood in that same spot he kissed me for 10 minutes.

This is insane.

That was my first real kiss. I don't really count the first one I had with Otis as a real kiss; it was more of a peck and I honestly didn't think I'd get another shot at it...

But I can't just let him walk into my life after one kiss. I can't be the pathetic pushover in this, I need to make sure he won't hurt me again. I've been the pathetic pushover time and time again, now I need to think 'what would Scarlett do?'

At present—what Genevieve is doing, I'm currently in his car getting a ride to school. I've been thinking about everything there is to think about in this car ride, and I think he could tell how deep in my mind I was from the moment I got into his car.

I don't know why I never told him I could drive now, but I don't know if I'd really want to tell him. If I do it'd stop the car rides with him to school... oh god.

I hate this.

I hate that I want to ride with him to school.

I hate that I still want to spend time with him.

It's so dumb. I'm so dumb.

Because of whatever vibe I'm giving off right now, he's kinda left me alone to my thoughts, which I really appreciate; and when we pull into school we both get out of his car and walk in separate ways to our lockers before class starts.

***

The whole day was kinda like the car ride to school, it was just... off. We didn't really talk and it looked like Otis wanted to talk to me but held back when he saw my 'thinking face.'

In math today, Otis tried talking to me once or twice but didn't really succeed when our teacher told us to 'zip it' very passive-aggressively.

I wish I could forgive him.

Mostly I wish he'd never done it, but what's done is done, and I want to forgive him, but I also want to stay mad at him. I wish I didn't have a crush on him, and I wish I could just burrow into a hole and never come out of it.

I still like him, I still have a crush on him.

How pathetic am I?

To have someone say the things Otis has said to me, but not be utterly disgusted by them.

I need to get my head on straight.

The epiphany happened while sitting in math class in silence after Mr. Ashe yelled at us and when I was trying—and failing—to finish my homework. It seemed like a shift happened between the two of us at that moment too, more so than before.

When we drive over to the library neither of us tries to talk. I don't even try to help him with his studying or homework. I just do my job and leave with him when my shift is over.

When I get home, I don't worry about the questions of 'who drove me home' because they're not home and even if they were, they've kinda given up on it. Plus, I always have the same answer—Victoria—and they never question it.

I think they're very unreasonable with this.

I know for a fact they still don't want me to date, but their policing has come to a halt for now. I'm guessing a momentary work distraction is the reason for this.