Him vs Her

Chapter 12

A/n: btw the song Skai writes is up there.... in the vid. Enjoy xx

Crying has become like some sort of hobby these past months, it's because sometimes crying is the only way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain just how broken your heart is. The thing is I'm not crying because of one thing, I'm crying because of all the built up emotions that I've been holding in for way too long, I know it's bad but I just can't bear being hurt again. My tears had run out and I had to open up to someone, anyone or else I'll explode because keeping things inside is such a horrible feeling. I open my dairy and turn the pages to an empty one. On the top right corner I write the date and begin my entry.

Dear Diary,

There's only so much I can hold in and it seems though as you're the only 'person' I can express how I feel with. You're the one 'person' I can rely on completely, because you can't betray me.Today has been some day, I thought I had forgotten about Ryan but turns out I haven't. Honestly, I feel really stupid for holding on to things that just keep hurting me.

On the other hand something worse is occurring. My walls aren't as high and strong, the person who I don't want to let in because if I do and I trust him and he betrays me I'll be broken and I can't take being hurt again, not by him not by anyone. I mean it's not that I'm admitting anything, let's be clear I'm NOT. There are just so many things I don't know about him, if he likes me? If he's the one, if Louis likes him. The sad truth is that I don't know. Ugh, Dairy why am I attracted to the people I have no chance with?

I feel like this isn't enough, just writing what I'm feeling. I need another way to express my feelings, I know! Besides I need to get my mind of some things. A song has always helped me let my feelings out and I have just the topic. Hmm, I'll name the song 'undeniable' which is ironic considering the fact that I am denying it, again I am not admitting anything. Alright let's get on with the writing; I'm just going to spontaneously let the words write themselves, whatever comes to mind is written.

'Undeniable'

I don't know where you came from,

I don't know how

You got underneath my skin, I can't get you out

Why can't I hang on to my senses?

I try and I try but it makes no difference it's

Illogical, uncontrollable, impossible boy how can it be

What you do to me...

It's so irresistible, unpredictable, unstoppable

And I can't help but fall

If this is what you call undeniable

Maybe I think too much, I over analyze

My heart is feeling what my head wants to deny

What's done is done and I can't ever change it

I'm so far gone and I don't know how to explain it

and the end of my song is here, it's just so easy to write whenever I think about him the words literally write themselves. I hate that he has that effect on me.This song is basically a confession but then again a mystery remains, dear dairy, you still don't know who this person is...it might be a person who I met years ago, it might be a random stranger I have encountered, literally anyone.