Chapter 65

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Over the past month, I have been at this college, I have thought about everything except school and by everything, I mean Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry, just him. I am so not the clingy type she said to herself knowing it wasn't true, but wishing it was. Fuck, I am that girl, the girl who obsessed about her boyfriend so much that it consumes her. The girl who can barely speak a sentence without mentioning her lover. Fuck, have I always been that girl and never realised it until now? The girl whose life revolves around her boyfriend. This is clearly not good for me. I need to wake the hell up, remember who I am and focus on my grades, they surely could use a boost. I was a good student in high school but college expectations and the difficulty level here are much higher, and I need to catch up. 

So, from today onwards, my priority will be my studies and not him

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So, from today onwards, my priority will be my studies and not him. As if to test how true my previous thought was, I receive a text from non-other than my distraction. 

'Hey short stuff, what are you up too? Come visit this weekend yeah? I miss you :( -H x'

I grasp the phone in both hands and start to type: 'Eyy babe, of cou..'  "I don't think so," I said to myself. "Nope," I shook my head. I threw my home on my bed, deciding that I would text him as soon as I finished all of this week's assignments.

I spent the next four hours in a loop: Make coffee, finish one project or assignment that was due for this week, sip coffee, drink water to hydrate, go to the bathroom, type some more, cross it off the 'To do list' and repeat. It's safe to say I finished almost half of the homework that was due this week but I was nowhere near finished and I was completely beat. Just then, the door clicked open. 

"Hey Skai, you should have come with girl! We had the best time and why do you look like hell?" Ezra bluntly said. 

"I have been catching up on homework like a madwoman. Sidenote, we need a coffee machine it would be a more convenient way for me to make coffee if we had one and Harry texted and I want to reply so badly but-" I said, practically without breathing. 

"Whoa, how much coffee did you take!?"

"I went to the bathroom like eight times so...a fair amount,"

"You need chamomile,"

"No, I need to finish my 'To do list' is what I need," I said, frustrated.        

"What you need is chamomile, a hot shower, and lots of sleep. Wake up early and finish another assignment tomorrow morning and then another between class, yeah?"

"Yeah," I nodded, agreeing immediately. There was no denying that good old fashioned Ezra logic. I decided to take a quick nap however I realised I'd much rather listen to Ezra whine while laying in my bed. 

"I'm going to work on the arranging my lectures notes but god knows I was too busy staring at Leo to type anything out," she giggled.

"Leo?"

"He's in my elective, he real cute," she smirked. 

"I can imagine if you like him," I joked. After an hour of Ezra working, she sighed loudly and looked at me.

"What?" I laughed.

"Let's set everything on fire?" she said, in the most serious tone ever. I looked at her and could see a smile forming at the sides of her mouth. We both erupted in full-belly laughter.

"I, agree," I said in between breaths. 

***

The next morning, I worked on my English paper and ended up almost finishing it.  I drank my coffee, put on sweatpants and a pullover. I really did not have the energy to make an effort in my appearance - I rarely ever did to be fair but this was something of an extraordinary nature. I so behind on my work that I know started to feel a migraine coming with every step I took.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry it off. I grabbed my bag off my desk and headed out. Ezra's class started later than mine so I decided not to wake her. 

I could not focus for shit today. My brain kept going back to what I thought were 'archived thoughts', that I stored yesterday of Harry. And everything he ever said to me replayed in my head all through English, Italian, French and physics class. I am so fucked, I could not recall I single thing I had learned that day.

+++

After my lectures, hours of eye-rolling and headaches that seemed to last for hours on end, I decided I should study for at least two hours before I head back to my dorm room. I ordered a cup of coffee and sit down in this cute little corner coffee shop. My perfect aesthetic. I put my hair up in a bun and secure it with two pencils, how chic - bleh!

It's official I suck at time management and am going to die of stress. I am now the girl who cries in a coffee shop when she is supposed to be studying, her laptop draining the last few drops of energy she has left. The Maltese constitution laid before me - shit, I never thought there were so many laws before. And I thought my mum's rules were too long and boring. I scribbled for hours in my notepad trying to learn and memorise at the same time. My fingers were bruised by my pen I discovered that I am quite the aggressive writer. I really clutch to the pen like my life depends on it. I almost burst into laughter at that thought like some insane person alone at a coffee shop. I arranged my lecture notes which took way longer than I thought - I tend to type like a maniac when I feel like I am not keeping up with them. I re-read my notes, half of which I barely recalled typing. 

I left an hour before closing and went to print my notes at a nearby stationery so I could re-read them later tonight. My phone began to vibrate against my jeans, 12 missed calls, 4 messages  and 2 missed FaceTime Videos -  all but one, from Harry. Oh, shit, I forgot to text him back. I called him back - ignored. Seriously? what a child. I texted: 'Hey babe, sorry I forgot to text back, been crazy busy trying to keep up. Call me back? xxx'

He replied soon after - huh quick to text back but not quick enough to respond to a call. I sighed reading the text: 'Forgotten about me so soon huh?  Who's the new boyfriend?'. I am way too old to be dealing with this pettiness. I called back - ignored. Fuck it, I am going to shower and sleep - I don't have time for this bullshit. Things were so good a couple of days ago and now he is actively ignoring me just because I forgot to text him back. Not sure I deserve this treatment. 





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