The Average Girl *** (Camren)

Chapter 37: Same Page?

Lauren's POV

Laying my head on her chest and hugging her close for the first time after almost five months made me feel good. I did not know how to explain it best, but I felt relieved. It was like something was a weight off my shoulders. It never crossed my mind that I would feel that way, but I did, which made me think I had made the right decision to give her a chance.

I decided to give Camila a chance after I deliberately considered everything. I analyzed everything but I also listened to my heart. I knew the risks, the consequences, the possibilities if I gave her once chance that she asked for. Some people might disagree, some might agree, but it was my decision in the end. Keana supported whatever my decision was. She told me whatever and however would be, she would be there for me.

I might be stupid but I knew what I was doing. People could say anything about Camila, but I believed what I saw myself. She indeed jumped from one to another woman within a night just for sex. She admitted it. She might treat me on another level when she wanted to get into my pants, but I also saw and felt another side of her that I was doubtless that most people never saw. I felt her sincerity when she showed me affection during those days when we spent time together. I also saw her desire for having sex with me. She did not deny that. She made herself clear from the beginning that she wanted me. She wanted sex. I was not going to deny as well that I wanted the same even though in the end I wanted something more.

If I looked back on things again, Camila did not cheat on me. We were not in any exclusive or committed relationship. We were just seeing each other casually. We had not talked about anything related to what we were doing. We did things that we both wanted to. Although she was kind of seducing me, she did not push me into it. I wanted what she wanted. Why I was so hurt and so upset at her was the way we or she ended what we had. She did not text me as she said she would. I also did not look for her. Jealousy got to me as well when I saw her kissing another woman in the club.

I was hurt, but I was responsible for what I felt as well. It was not Camila's fault only. It was not only Camila who hurt me, but I let her do it as well. I fell for her, and I wanted something more. I wanted her. We had not discussed it. It meant she or I could see, date, kiss, or have sex with anybody else. She did not belong to me, and I did not belong to her. Things escalated too fast and too passionate that we did not manage to discuss it. If we had, things might be different or might be not.

I wanted to move on from those bad experiences that I had with her in the past. I would keep the good memories and take the lesson from the bad ones. I would not give her a chance without making it clear what I wanted and what she wanted. I would tell her what I wanted. I would not be silent this time and wait for her to be the one who figured out what I wanted. It saved both her and my time and energy. I wanted us to discuss it when we met on Saturday. We would proceed if we were on the same page. If we were not, there would not be us anymore.

The one chance that I was going to give to her was not only for her but also for myself. I fell for Camila. I wanted her. I wanted us to be in a relationship. It was because I felt the effortless connection we had for each other and the feeling that she made me feel every time I was with her. I was not sure that I would find this feeling again in somebody else.

I knew I didn't have any experience, but I did try to go on dates since Spring started when Camila stopped sending me flowers when I thought she had given up. During those past three months, I went on date with a few people. The first one was a woman whom I knew through Normani. I went on a few dates with her, but I did not feel the spark, the connection so I moved on to the second one. He was the guy from the online dating site. I only went on one date with him. The last one was the man whose office was in the same building as mine. I started seeing him right before I found out Camila was still waiting for me at the cafe. I was seeing him for a month. I felt nothing special when I was with him. I was like doing chores when I was seeing him. It was so boring that I decided to end it when he showed his interest in having sex.