Office Hours |h.s|

thirty eight

Maude

For the first time since Maine, it feels like Harry and I are on the right track. We never have been this settled in our relationship before, and it makes me excited to know that this week was almost like a dream.

I think a lot of it has to do with how Harry has opened up to me in the last week. Lance and dad coming around forced him to be honest with me about his past relationship and reservations toward my family. Now there really aren't any secrets between us, and he's able to be open to me when he feels he's reverting back to the man he was when he was with Gia.

Have things been completely perfect? Of course not, but that's normal. It's not like the constant fighting and turmoil that plagued us a few weeks ago. We've opened up this new line of communication, and a mutual trust that has allowed our relationship to blossom. It's the reason I was able to move some things into a drawer at his place on Wednesday, and why I now have my own toothbrush sitting next to his in his bathroom.

And in those few days, my love for him has grown tenfold. It was hard to admit that what I was feeling was even love to begin with, but there's no other word to describe it. It's not lust, I don't just want him for his body. It's not infatuation. It's love and I don't think I've ever felt that toward a person before. At least, not romantic love.

Harry is just so amazing in every way, and I want him to know how deeply I feel towards him. I know it's probably idiotic of me to be falling so hard for a man that I shouldn't even be seeing, but it's impossible when he's honestly my soulmate. I can't imagine a world where I don't fall for him, even if we can't be together.

It's not lost on me how stupid we are for getting so deep into this relationship. Maybe it should have just been restricted to meaningless sex. Maybe it should have ended before it even began like we tried to do. But all those thoughts just lead me to one conclusion; this happened for a reason and we were never meant to be apart. All the circumstances that lead to us being together were planned from the start and we've been like magnets fighting to connect since the beginning of time.

How else do you explain how intertwined he is with my family, even before we met? There were so many chances before law school where I could have met him or at least known about him, like some forces of the universe were trying to get us together. And now here we are, unable to tear ourselves apart.

I wish I could tell someone, anyone about us, but it's just not a good idea yet. Once the semester is over maybe then I'll at least tell Cassidy about it. I'd just have to pick my words carefully since I already know how she would feel if she knew about us being together now. Plus I already lied to her about not being with Harry and that just wouldn't go over well. I know to everyone I would look weird for dating a professor, but Harry did say he might be taking time off teaching after this semester until the case is over so it wouldn't be as weird.

At the end of the day, I know what we're doing is wrong and we can get into a lot of trouble if we get caught, but I'm at the point where I trust whatever comes next with him. A guiding force led me to him, it has to be meant to be.

Looking down at my textbook, I finally realize that I haven't been paying attention to this study session in the slightest. Charlie, Cassidy and I decided to stay an extra hour after Violet, Ben, and Kayla left. Charlie and Cassidy wanted to go over something for Niall's class, and I just needed to pass time before going to bring Harry dinner at his office.

As I'm silently hoping neither of them noticed I disappeared into my own head, Charlie nudges my shoulder. "Earth to Maude? You can't actually be reading that thing."

My head shoots up as I look between the two, and already Cassidy is giving me a questioning look. She knows me too well which has definitely proven to be an obstacle these last few weeks. "Sorry, I was just thinking about stuff, what were you saying?"