Office Hours |h.s|

forty one

Maude

Somehow I've managed to avoid Harry all week. We haven't spoken in any way shape or form since the breakup, and I haven't even seen him around campus.

That doesn't mean I haven't heard about him. Cassidy came home from his class the other day and she made sure to complain about the attitude he had the entire hour and a half. No doubt it's because I still won't talk to him, but I'm still processing. I went from being head over heels in love to breaking up with him in just over a day, it's not something you just get over.

What makes the break up process worse is the fact that I can't even tell Cass or any of my friends what happened. She knows that something went down and that I'm going through something, but I haven't told her any details regarding Harry and I'd relationship. Even in my drunk state, I'm keeping him my secret. She doesn't need to know about him being the guy I'm reeling over.

Today is gonna be a big test for me though. It's Thursday which means Harry's class is today. I considered skipping it altogether and just not dealing with seeing him again, but I know I can't cause a scene or make anything obvious, so I have to just go to his class and try not to burst into tears at the sight of him.

Breakups have never been my strong suit. Usually I'm the one being broken up with because the guy found a hotter girl or they don't want to deal with me anymore. I'm a naturally clingy person, so when people step away from my life it's hard to accept. I've never been the one to break up with someone before, and honestly it hurts even more than any other break up I've had. I just miss him, even though I shouldn't.

I just wish I wasn't tipsy when I did it. Looking back on how it all went down, even though I'm proud I stood up for myself, I do regret some of the things I said. Maybe I should have heard him out more or gave him the benefit of the doubt, but there's no going back now. We both made our decisions, we have to live with them now.

Walking down the hall to his lecture room, I feel my heart pounding in my chest. It's still so fresh, barely a week has passed. Is he just gonna ignore me or will he want to speak? Am I just overthinking everything? Maybe this breakup was for the better, since we shouldn't have even been together in the first place. But if it's what's best for us then why do I miss him more than anything?

I didn't want to come early like I usually do, just to avoid him coming in early to try and talk to me. I just need to get in and out of this class, avoiding him the best I can. At least I have Ben, Violet, and Will to keep me company during his class. I'm gonna need them even if they don't know it.

When I walk in, nearly everyone is in their seats already, and at the podium is Harry. His head whips over towards me when he sees the door open and he shifts in his spot, holding onto the edges of the podium a bit tighter. He looks back down at the papers in front of him, but I can tell he's trying to sneak a peek at me the best he can without getting caught.

I try to push him from my mind, crossing the room to join my friends in our row and sitting in the spot they saved for me. Will hugs my shoulder as I sit down, knowing I've been down lately. He's become a really good friend in the last week and I'm really glad we got close. I offer him a tight smile before getting my laptop out and glancing over at Harry. Our eyes meet for a second before he looks away again, clearing his throat.

"Let's get started please." He says, silencing the quiet murmurs that filled the lecture hall. His eyes scan the room, lingering on me for a second too long. "I hope you all read my announcement. We are talking about sexual crimes today, so if anyone needs to leave at any point please feel free to do so, I won't hold any judgment or ask any questions."

Maybe that could be my excuse to get out of this class early. Then again he'll just use me being a Sterling as an excuse to ask questions.

I focus on my laptop screen, taking notes here and there but mostly just zoning out. It takes everything in me not to let my tears fall. Being in the same room as him feels overwhelming and scares me. For some reason I feel like at any second he's going to make an example out of me and out me to the whole class for trying to seduce him or something. He already tried to blame me for Juliet kissing him, so why not turn it all on me?