Office Hours |h.s|

seventy six

Maude

Cassidy let me take her car so I could go to Harry's place. He never offered me a ride, and it's too risky for me to Uber and too cold to walk, so I had to drive myself. Noah offered, but I'm just not ready for that conversation.

It was really hard getting out of bed and even more difficult getting dressed. I just wanted to stay in that safe space Noah, Cass, and I had created in her room. I barely even looked in the mirror as I pulled on a different pair of sweatpants and a clean sweatshirt. I'm sure I look puffy and like I've been crying, but it's not like I can do anything to fix it before I go see Harry.

I rehearsed it all in my head during the drive to his house, he just has to follow the script I made up for him in my head. Deep down, I know it won't come out that way and that I'll end up just word-vomiting the words 'I'm pregnant' but at least I have a plan. The closer I get to his place, the more it feels like I'm going to get in trouble or something.

A part of me just wants to cancel and drive back home and snuggle with Cassidy in her bed again. I want to pretend at least for one more day that this isn't happening. But putting this to the side for one more day is one more day being pregnant without a plan. One more day of Harry not knowing. It's just not an option to pretend this baby doesn't exist.

Pulling up to his place, I park the car and take a deep breath. "You can do this, Maude. You're engaged to him, he loves you, this is gonna be fine. It's Harry." My little pep talk doesn't help much, but it's enough to instill the tiniest amount of confidence. It's just Harry.

I send a quick text to Cassidy, letting her know I just got here. She's worried, and I understand why. She thinks I'm about to tell some law school student that I'm pregnant, not that I'm telling my professor fiancé.

Before I can turn the car back on and go home, I get out. The walk up to his door feels like it takes forever, like I'll never reach the door. But then I do. Pausing, I take another deep breath and ring the bell.

He doesn't answer. Biting my lip, I glance over my shoulder, knowing the longer I'm out here, the more of a chance someone will see me. I told him I'd be here at this time, and he's always good at opening the door. I ring the bell a few more times with no success. Finally, I try the door and it opens. My stomach drops slightly, but I walk in.

"Harry? Are you home?" I ask as I close the door behind me and slowly walk further into the dark house. Nothing looks disturbed or out of place. Well, besides his work bag and suit jacket that look like they were thrown onto the floor. "Hello?"

Turning the corner into the kitchen, I freeze for a second. Harry sits at the counter, his back toward me. An open bottle of whiskey sits on the counter in front of him. A bottle that was once full, but I watch as he pours the last of the contents into a glass.

"Harry..." I don't think my script is gonna work.

He looks disheveled, his hair a mess and his shirt sleeves unbuttoned and pushed up. His tie hangs open around his neck. He won't even look at me. Slowly, I approach, hesitating to put my hand against his back. "Harry-"

"Maude, what are we doing?" His words slur and his breath reeks of alcohol.

"How much have you had to drink?" I whisper, feeling my heart pound in my chest. This is wrong, all wrong.

He examines the liquid in his glass, not looking at me. I wince as he drinks it all in one go, putting the glass down harshly against the counter again. Finally he looks at me, but it's like he's not even there. I've never seen him this drunk before.

"Harry, I think you need to go to bed." I try to take his hand but he pulls it away from me.

"What were you up to yesterday and today? Didn't hear from you. What? You got me to propose and then you dip?" His tone is harsh and accusatory, which just confuses me.