The Ludicrous Escapade Pt.3

Criticizing the Cowboy

"The second stage is scheduled to start in five minutes!" Blared the SBR announcer. "Please line up at the starting line and remember that penalties will still be given. The goal of this stage is to reach Monument Valley after crossing 1200 km. All participants can freely choose what route to take as well as how many miles to travel in a day or what lodgings to stay at! The only exception is that they must past through the pre-designated checkpoint!"

"Finally, if someone is forced to retire mid race, their numbers will be displayed as flags over route. Covered wagons carrying medics will be following the race from a distance. They have a large supply of things like food or water. But partaking in any of it will result in immediate disqualification."

"Gyro, (Y/N)..." Johnny was reading through the article of a newspaper as all three of you were waiting at the starting line for the stage to begin. "This stage's top candidate seems to be Sandman! Even in the gambling arena, he's most popular! What do you think of that?"

"Hmm... " You folded your arms as you thought about it. "Maybe I should be betting, too." Not necessarily on Sandman, though.

"Hmph!" Gyro did not seem very pleased by Johnny's news. He currently had his goggles on and tilted his hat up when looking over at the Joestar. "What about me? What's my ranking?" He had a faint smile on his face, already assuming it would pretty high up.

"Sucks for you!" Johnny was happy to knock the Italian down a peg. "By the way, I'm the sixth most popular racer. You're only number nine because of your penalty. If you hadn't gotten that, I'm sure you'd be pretty popular."

"What's my ranking?" You tried to get a look at the newspaper from over his shoulder.

"Wow!" Johnny leaned a bit so you could get a better view. "You're in fourth!" Once again, it was good that Mista was not witnessing such a moment. "I guess you did score pretty high in the race itself. And being, like, the only girl in this whole race probably helps with your popularity, too. But that's also probably why you aren't ranked as high in the gambling arena."

"The people don't know what the fuck they're talking about, anyway." Grumbled Gyro as he set his goggles back around his hat. He was still peeved that he was rated lower than both you and Johnny. "Any way you look at it, this article was written by some idiot everyday person. No one should take it seriously!"

You shook your head, smiling, "You're only saying that because you got ninth. If you had gotten first you probably would have been singing praises about just how right they were. So next time you want to disrupt a racer, just make sure you don't get caught."

"Bah!" Gyro swatted a hand through the air. "Not everyone has a ghost to do stuff for them (Y/N)."

"In any case," Johnny decided to get back on topic, "If Sandman wins this next stage he'll have 200 points and two hours in time bonuses! If that happens he'll have an overwhelming advantage over everyone else in the race. That's what we really need to keep from happening."

"I wonder..." Gyro tried to spot the Native American man amidst the other racers. "Can he run over 100 km in one day?"

You nodded, "Probably. Not to mention, he's from Arizona, so he'll likely know the best route to take."

"And that guy over there is Mountain Tim." Johnny gestured over to the cowboy. "He's about as popular as Sandman this time around."

"But look at that weird hat he's wearing." Gyro couldn't help but make fun of his competition. "Makes me want to trample all over it... Right there, while it's on his head, I want to trample right on it!"

"I don't know if you're really one to talk Gyro. Not to say your hat is weird, but none of our attire is particularly normal." You took a closer look at Tim's hat. "Though the zebra print might be a bit much." The man seemed to have noticed your gaze. He locked eyes with you and flashed a smile.

"Nyo ho?" Gyro witnessed the exchange. "Do you think he likes you, (Y/N)? Maybe you could convince him to drop out of the race. Destroy his hat while you're at it, too."

"Anyway," Johnny wanted to continue with the point he was making. "He's a cowboy, so he should have poor short range abilities. But he was following us pretty well yesterday. We couldn't even hear the sound of his hooves approaching. Without us knowing, he followed us all the way to the end and passed us at the last second."

"Speak for yourself! You're the only one of us he passed, right (Y/N)?" Gyro held up a hand, encouraging you to high-five him. You couldn't just leave him hanging, so you accepted the gesture. "And maybe his hat helps with stealth or something! Nyo ho!"

"Do you really hate his hat that much?" If so, you weren't sure if Gyro would be able to handle the outfits of the majority of people from your universe.

"I don't hate it, exactly. I just enjoy making fun of it." The Italian was very relaxed despite the next stage starting in a matter of minutes.

Johnny pulled out a map with several markings drawn on it. "So, I think this stage is going to become a battle over the waterholes. How far people can continue will depend solely on how long they go without running out of water. In 1875 the 26th calvary was wandering through the desert at a time when all the waterholes had dried up. It kept getting hotter and hotter and they all slowly roasted up and dried out under the sun."

You smiled fondly, reminiscing of older times, "You know, that reminds me of when some friends and I fought The Sun. There were two rocks in the desert. Funniest shit I've ever seen."

Gyro exchanged a confused look with Johnny, "When you say you fought the sun, do you mean that you and your group were stranded in the desert?"

You shook your head, "It was a Stand that was essentially a mini sun. So we just had to dispose of the user to get rid of it." Your smile started fade. "He did kill a few of our camels though..."

"Are Stands normally that dangerous?" Inquired Johnny, currently hoping he wouldn't have to fight any of these ghosts you were talking about.

You thought back on all your previous fights. "Well, that one was basically a joke. I'd say they're usually more difficult and tend to have some sort of specifications, too."

"Great..." Gyro didn't seem thrilled either.

Feeling like you were all getting sidetracked again, Johnny pointed back to his map. "So, um, these triangles show where all the waterholes are. I think we should head north from the starting point. After traveling 50 km a day, we'll hit it. If we stray from this path and happen to get lost, we're basically dead meat."

The announcer's voice bellowed out, trying to hype the crowd, "It's now only thirty seconds until we start! Alriiiiiiiight... In just an instant, the second stage shall truly begin! There is no track laid along the race path, so the train will go ahead to the next checkpoint. They say that the hot air balloon can only follow to the Colorado river."

"Diego Brando has pushed up his goggles! Pocoloco, as usual, has his many sacks packed up and ready! Let's go..." There was a colorful burst of fireworks in the distance. "Start!"

Gyro immediately blasted off from the starting line, Valkyrie moving at incredible speeds. He seemed to plan on leaving everyone else in his cloud of dust.

You laughed, having to keep a hand on Kars's hat to stop it from being blown away, "He really just does whatever the hell he wants, doesn't he?" Moxy picked up the pace.

Johnny clutched at his head in disbelief, "Can he really take all 1200 km on his own?! F-Fuck! What the hell is wrong with that guy?!" Normally he would have traveled at his own pace, but he really needed to learn more about Spin. "Argh!! I'm going after him!" As soon as he decided on that, Gyro swerved to the right. "What the hell?!"

"I guess we're just taking a different route altogether." Unlike Johnny, you weren't as freaked out about the decision. Although you did feel that Gyro could do better job of laying out his plans to the rest of you.

"What the hell are you doing, Gyro Zeppeli!" Johnny shouted to the blonde man. "At least give me a reason for all this speed!"

"What?" Gyro turned his body to face the former pro jockey. "We have other rivals doing the same thing. You wanna come with? It looks like (Y/N)'s already tagging along." You sped up enough to be racing right along side him. "This is the shortest way... This way we'll pass them all, even Sandman."

And, having decided to tail your group from behind, there was Mrs. Robinson.