talk too much | max mayfield

dear nora (extended)

Dear Nora. Nor,

I am so sorry.

I'm so sorry for everything I've done ever since Billy. I'm so sorry for pushing you away when we needed each other most. I'm so sorry for totally acting like you didn't exist some days at school. I'm so sorry for trying to forget everything we'd gone through together.

The truth is, I was scared. Terrified, even. After Billy, and even everything else that had happened in my life, I just felt like I was doomed to live a cursed life forever (literally now), and I couldn't drag you into it. I can't stand the thought of losing you and honestly? In a way I'm kind of glad it's me that Vecna chose to possess. It just means I won't have to go a second without you.

I love you, Nor. I've loved you ever since the night Billy died and you were the first to hold me in your arms and be there for me and we must've sat there for hours until someone came to get us out. Hours of me just crying into your shoulder while you ran your fingers through my hair.

You're the one who's gotten me this far. I know I'm an idiot for pushing you away. I know I'm a shitty girlfriend- friend- person for everything. And I'm so sorry for not recognizing until now how much I need you.

But I couldn't lose you. Especially not after Billy. I thought - for some stupid reason - that maybe if I had control in the situation, then it would hurt less the day that you realized that you can do a million times better than me. I was so focused on what might happen if I lost you that I couldn't think for two seconds how I would travel to Mars and back to keep you forever.

I'm realizing now, losing you while you're still right next to me because I'm the one who pushed you away is far worse than losing you in any other way, so, I'm sorry.

And, I'm sorry for taking so long to say sorry in the first place I just couldn't get over my stupid pride, and I saw you hanging out with that Annie girl, and you seemed so happy in your new life with Lucas and the populars, and I thought you had just totally moved on from me, and so I kinda distanced myself
out of spite there too.

But I was an idiot for it. And now I'm paying the price for it. I know by the time you read this it'll be too late, but I had to make sure you knew.

So, to summarize everything before I start crying and soak this paper in my tears:

I'm sorry and I love you.

Yours,
Max