Forced

19 - Determination

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. ~Robert Frost

A/N: This quote makes an awesome metaphor in this book. Just think about it.

Luke's POV

I looked at myself in the mirror, staring down the eyes that were starting to fill with blue but seemed to blur as my headache carried on.

I turned my hands to fists as I took deep breaths. Michael, Calum and Ashton had all gone out. I had forgotten as to why but I was home alone for the first time in..Well a long time.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Licking my lips as I knew that I could just go in the kitchen and take a drink, the shaking of my hands and the throbbing headache would go away. But that was no solution.

Especially since Michael would just blame himself again, I did not need the weight of that pressing me down again. I opened my eyes to see myself again.

"You can do this, Luke." I said quietly. "You're better then this. You have to do this. This is about you, this is about Michael and Calum and Ashton. They want you here, they want you to be okay." Saying the truth was not helping but I thought it might help to hear it. I was not about to believe that they did not care at all. When all the evidence showed they did.

Well almost all of it.

"No Luke, don't think like that." I said before letting out a groan. "I need to do something, I'm losing my mind." I walked out into the hallway and walked around through the apartment. "Maybe I'll jog up to see Ivan. Yeah, Ivan. He helps."

I slid on a pair of shoes and began to walk - very fast - to Ivan's office. I kept my eyes either up at the sky or down at my feet. I did not want to see any of the faces of people walking by me.

I felt good that I had just been able to walk out without a drink. It gave me a sense of empowerment. A sort of 'Michael would be proud,' moment. I felt a new sense of happiness.

Something was bothering me though, the fact that I did not know why the guys had just left. So I decided to call and ask.

After three rings Ashton picked up, why I called Ashton first I have no idea. But I thought it might be the best person to talk to. Even better then Michael.

"Yeah?" He said. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. But just remind me.." I paused. "Where did you guys go?"

"..Do you want to talk to Michael?" Ashton asked.

"Well I-I called you." I said quietly. "I mean..Do I need to talk to him, does he need to talk to me?" There was no sarcasm in any of my words, I was becoming curious.

"Luke you're absolutely spastic." Ashton sighed. "What are you doing?"

"I have no idea, I think I'm going to see Ivan." I said, giggling to myself.

"You left?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Luke.." Ashton sighed again. "We specifically told you to stay in your room."

"My room? Like..No kitchen or living room? Because I've been walking around in there for the past hour it feels like. I was in the bathroom for a while - "

"Have you been drinking?" Ashton cut me short.

"No!" I said. "I haven't, my head hurts and my hands are kinda shaky but I know I have definitely not been drinking. Thank you for asking."

"Turn around, and go back to your room, and lay down." Ashton said. "We'll be back in a little bit."

"Wait why did you guys leave again? Where'd you go?" I asked.

"We went to get food," Ashton sighed for what felt like the millionth time. "But we were trying to see if you could handle being alone. Clearly you're losing your mind."

"I'm just so bored!" I whined. "I needed something to do!"

"There are literally a ton of other things you could have been doing instead of going to see Ivan." Ashton said.

"Well nothing was coming to mind!" I replied, I felt as if my voice was getting higher and higher pitched by the second.

"Luke, Michael wants to talk to you, is that alright?" Ashton asked.

"Is he mad?"

"No."

"Then yeah! That's fine!" I said. I heard some shuffling.

"Luke?" Michael's voice came through the phone.

"Hi." I giggled. "What's up?"

"What are you doing?"

"Going to see Ivan! I was bored!"

"What drugs are you on right now.."

"W-What.."

"Why are you so hyper?" Michael asked.

"I.." I was confused at this point. Yes I was usually very mopey and down-putting. But was it bothering Michael that I was hyper to begin with?

"You just seem like your mind is running a million miles an hour. I just listened to you talk with Ash. You're losing your mind." Michael sighed.

"Why would you say that.." I muttered. "D-Do you always want me to be super depressing!?"

"Luke..No, I didn't mean it like that." Michael let out a sigh, as if he was extremely uninterested with whatever I had to say. "Just turn around and go back."

"No, I-I'm going to see Ivan. Ivan is always fun to hang out with." I said, giggling slightly. "Why don't you like Ivan? Ivan is nice."

"Ivan got you started on drinking, that's why he's fun to hang out with. Not because he's nice. He's not nice." Michael said.

"But, he had us date." I said. "That was nice of him."

"Oh yeah and look where that got both of us." Michael sighed.

"W-What do you mean.." I mumbled. "Why are you being s-so mean!?"

"I'm not being mean." Michael said. "I'm just saying that he shouldn't have done that."

"Do you not like me.." I muttered.

"No, Luke. That's not.." Michael stopped and I heard him let out a groan. "Just what has gotten into you!? You never act like this!"

"I.." I paused. "Well..I was pretty happy.."

"Really because you sound like you've just drank a case of beer." Michael said and I felt my eyes pricking with tears.

"You're being mean.. I don't want to talk to you." I said.

"You're acting like a two year old!" Michael said. "Even Calum and Ashton are in shock at the moment."

"Well..I don't care." I muttered. "I'm going to hang out with Ivan, at least he likes me!" At this point I hung up and shoved my phone away as I walked a couple more blocks to Ivan's office.

AUTHOR'S NOTIFICATION; Lucy

I'm not sure what happened xD

Anyways just going to say that we are going to count up votes for the new book tomorrow, and will probably have the first chapter of whatever up by tomorrow as well. I'm so excited to find out which book won!

Anywhoozer boozer.

Hugs, Kisses, Cuddles and Serenades xX