Kaz Brekker imagines

Renegade

part one

I tapped on your window on your darkest night

The shape of you was jagged and weak

There was nowhere for me to stay

But I stayed anyway

And if I would've known

How many pieces you had crumbled into

I might've let them lay

~

Y/N always said if she knew how many pieces Kaz was to crumble into, she would've left a long time ago. No one ever truly believed her. They all knew they valued each other too much to ever leave the other. But there were days where she really meant it, her words falling with an equally sharp edge. She loved Kaz, she really did but over the years it seemed like he sunk into the shadows that surrounded him and she couldn't see the kid she once knew. He fell into a black hole of vengeance, and he pulled her with him. If she knew this was how she was going to be treated, she would've left a long time ago. She should've left a long time ago. She was nothing more to him than a puppet. She hated the fact that she let herself fall into that role as time went on. She was promised friendship...

"You're lucky you know?"

Kaz tilted his head to the side, his brown eyes sparkling in confusion. "How am I lucky?" Y/N shrugged, "You have a big brother. And he's really cool and cares for you. I don't have anyone like that."

He watched the girl beside him swing her legs back and forth as they sat on the dock, far above the water. "Well, you found us... So now we can be friends." Y/e/c eyes shined with excitement, "Really? You're gonna be my friend?" Kaz shrugged, "I don't see why we can't be friends."

But those words were shared at the age of eight. They were just kids. Kids who were learning how to lie.

~

Pekka Rollins. The name was well known by all the crows, and they all knew Kaz had personal issues with him. It wasn't hard to tell, the spite in his eyes couldn't be more obvious when he spoke of the older man.

Y/N was tired of hearing his name over and over. Kaz had made it her whole life to get back at Pekka, and she understood why but she couldn't help but think that this had gone too far. Brick by brick. If you're going to rip a building down brick by brick you'll eventually damage your hands. Y/N's hands were now beyond the thought of redemption. Rubbed raw time and time again, doing the hard work herself. She was tired of it. So when Kaz had told her to do a job for him she finally snapped.

"No."

Kaz froze and looked up at her slowly, "No? What do you mean?"

Y/N shook her head, "I mean no. I won't do it. I can't do it." He watched her flex her hands at her sides, "You've never had a problem before. Why now?" Her hand ran through her hair, "This is your fight Kaz, and trust me, I respect that. But I have nothing to do with this, and I don't know if it's selfish but I want to live my own life now. I've stood by your side for years now-"

"You can't be serious. You couldn't have chosen a better time to tell me this? This is really important, you can't bring yourself to do this for me?"

Anger sparked in her chest like a fire, "You're really going to talk about timing right now?" She scoffed, "You let all your damage, damage me." The words fell from her lips like a flood of boiling water, "You're a renegade, Kaz. And you wouldn't be the first renegade to need someone. I'm sorry if it's insensitive for me to say that you need to get yourself together. Kaz, we've known each other for years! For Saint's sake, we were just kids when we met. I've loved you for years now. But I can't love you like this. I'm nothing but your puppet." She paced the floor and ran her hands through her hair in frustration, not caring if it looked like a lion's mane. "Is it really your past that stops you from giving me everything or do you just not want to?"