Kimber's Daughter - Tommy Shelby x Reader Fan Fic

Chapter 74

His arms wrapped around me in the bed, pulling me in closer, pressing me against him until our skin felt like it had melded into one. It would have been easier to push him away, to block him out. But instead, I found solace in my husband.

"I need you to come back to me," he murmured. "It's been nearly three months."

Had it really been so long? The days had all passed in a blur of light. The curtains ripped open each morning and I scrunched my eyes to avoid it, then darkness fell and they closed and I found peace once more. I'd ventured from the house once or twice, pale faced and glossy eyed. Only when John had been discharged and we could see him again did I enjoy being out in the world. But always, afterward, back to this room.

Back to the darkness.

"I'm right here," I whispered. We both knew it was a half-truth. "Just... just stay here a while longer." I came closest to peace when I was with him.

"It's race day," he said. "You should come watch with me. My brothers'll be there."

But I'd lost all interest in racing. In horses. I'd lost all interest in anything. As much as I wanted to feel differently, the thought of attending exhausted me too much to even think about.

"Arthur and John miss you," he continued.

"You go."

He pulled my face back, held my head in his hands. "We can't bring him back," he reminded me gently. "Forcing yourself to suffer can't change what happened."

"I should have made them suffer. More than I did."

His lips brushed against my skin. "Sweetheart, I've never been prouder of you than I was that night. For all of it."

I met his gaze. "I thought we were going to be parents," I whispered.

"We still can be, love." He stroked his thumb across my jaw. "You think he won't come back to us? If he's anything like his mother, he's not giving up that easy. Our baby's stood in line, ready and waiting to come to us again."

"You really believe that?"

He pressed his lips to my forehead. "Of course I do."

The thought was comforting, a cooling salve across burns that might never heal. But Tommy's words had given me my first glimmer of hope since the loss. My first reminder that we still have a future together. The world hadn't fallen apart, not the way it had for me. We could heal together.

Our baby could still come back to us.

A sharp knock on the door rapped through the house.

I groaned, pulling the blankets further across me. "Tell them to leave," I pleaded.

Tommy's hands gently encircled my wrists, brushing against the scars. "It's Polly. I've asked her to come speak to you."

I stared at him in shock, betrayal.

"She's a mother, who lost her children," he reminded me. "And she's fucking worried about you. Be thankful it's her, and not Arthur with an arm full of cocaine," he warned. "That was the other option."

"I hate you, Thomas Shelby."

But my words were emptier than even I felt. He only chuckled softly, kissing me before he left the bed. "I'll run you a bath. Make Polly a cup of tea while we wait."

***

I was too ashamed to even look Tommy's aunt in the eye at first. I stared resolutely at my hands, willing them not to tremble in my lap. Tommy had left for the races, and it was just us.

"Now, tell me you'll have milk and sugar," Polly said, pouring our tea. "You've turned to skin and bone. I'll be having words with Tommy about that, too."

"It's not his fault," I said quickly.

Polly leaned forward. "And it's not yours, either. You know that, don't you?"

Tears welled in my eyes. My feelings all came out in a gush now that I was in Polly's reassuring presence. "I don't know, Pol... I've been thinking maybe it was always meant to happen. That this is no life to bring a child into." I took a deep, shuddering breath. "After my childhood, and the way my father raised me..."

"You are not your father," she told me firmly, placing a hand across my own on the table between us. "You are a strong, creative, driven and incredibly caring human being. You would be an amazing mother. And as for this life, there's plenty on the streets of Birmingham who'd wish they'd been born into this, and not the squalor and poverty and other horrors they have. There's danger involved, yes. But that's why we protect each other. And believe me when I say, Tommy won't let anything happen to you again." She shook her head. "I've never seen him like that before. When you lot returned... the only reason he hasn't broken Sabini's neck in already is because he's been waiting for you. We all have been. Ada misses you like crazy. Says you wont even answer the phone."

I bit my lip in guilt, but Polly waved a hand.

"She understands, of course," she continued. "We all do. We're kin, now. You burn, we all burn together. And I promise you, by the time we're through with Sabini and his thugs, they'll regret ever hearing the name Shelby." A sly smile spread across her face. "Or Kimber, for that matter."

Between her words and the warm, sweet cup of tea, it felt like the most reassuring, weighted hug. The pressure had lifted — not all of it, but enough.

"You'll never forget the baby," Polly said. "He'll stay with you always. But, my sweet girl, that's a part of life. If we're lucky enough to get old and grey, we'll have many a loss to mourn. Of everyone we love, eventually, only one of us will remain standing, mourning the rest. And that day will come sooner than we think. Take it from an old girl like me."

I laughed as she smiled at her own joke. Then, she became serious again.

"If your feelings for Tommy have changed, I won't blame you. None of us will. You've been through a great ordeal."

I blanched. "My feelings for Tommy? He... he doesn't think that, does he?"

"He hasn't said so in as many words, but I know my nephew." Her forehead creased. "He's been worried sick about you. Talking about pulling all his company shares out and whisking you away somewhere. Retirement in Venice, I think he mentioned."

"Tommy would never give up work."

"He would for you." She smiled again. "I think that man would do anything for you."

I realised I still hadn't answered her earlier question. "And I for him," I told her, blinking away tears. "If it wasn't for Tommy, Pol... I can't even bear to think about it. I love him. With everything I have."

"Do us a favour, and please remind him of that. For all our sakes," she rolled her eyes. "John made a joke about walking through fire again than having to look at Tommy's sad face any longer."

"How is John doing?" I asked, sipping my tea.

"You wouldn't recognise him now, from when you saw him last. The doctors say he's healing miraculously. There'll be some level of scarring, they expect, but nothing monstrous."

I felt another pang of guilt as I realised I hadn't even seen John since he left hospital. No wonder they were all worried, thinking my feelings had changed. These were my favourite people in the world. My family. And if I stayed stuck in my own grief forever, I'd miss out on them as well.

"You've given me a lot to think about, Pol," I said as I saw her to the door.

"And Tommy tells me your birthday's coming up," she said, hugging me goodbye. "We'll have to celebrate. Down at the Garrison?"

"No party. Nothing extravagant," I replied. "But I'm sure I can manage a few shots of whiskey."

She patted me on the back. "That's my girl. Now, go remind your husband that you love him."