nebula :: [malik]

[ xlii :: cold ]

Updating early bc. this week is about to be busy for ya girl. Send me prayer. 

***

I long for the warmth of days gone by ,

When you were mine

But now those days are memories in time.

Life's empty without you by my side

My heart belongs to you

No matter what I try ...

- "4 Seasons of Loneliness" || Boys II Men

____

"Is um, is anyone sitting here?"

"Uh..."

Zayn's eyebrows raise. "Is there?"

He's expecting Anais to say 'no' and lie to him and get it over with.

To his surprise though, as Cowell lectures in the front of the hall, she shakes her head.

"No," she says, because Anais cannot lie, and she begins to remove her bag from the seat, which he gratefully takes.

"Thanks."

Anais doesn't reply. Instead, she stares ahead, head on her hand as she pretends to listen to the things their professor is saying and ignore the boy beside her.

He's pulling out his pen and sticks it between his teeth as he rifles around for his notebook, and each action somehow slides him closer towards her, his sleeve against her sleeve; his knuckles grazing her wrist.

Anais is thinking that this close proximity is not good.

She's supposed to be angry; she is angry, except he's so close that she can smell his cologne and it's got her throat closing up.

She's angry with herself for being this upset. She hadn't wanted to cry when she thought Lucky had gotten with another girl. She could at least stand to look at him, or be in the same room.

And she's mad that her typically foolproof plan backfired. She'd been getting to Astronomy just late enough so that she could avoid sitting next to Zayn. Now, what she doesn't know is that he'd obviously picked up on this, and had not only waited fifteen minutes into the start of class to show up, he'd deliberately sat on her right side, the side closest to the door.

The side closest to her escape.

Anais is a big girl, but she can't do this. She can't sit next to Zayn right now. She can't be in this class and she sure as hell can't learn a thing because her mind just won't let Astronomy replace the thoughts all revolving around the boy beside her.

Yep.

Mind made up.

Anais cannot do this tonight.

Because, seriously? A break? More like a break-up, because no. No, a 'break' didn't work for Anais. Either they were together or they weren't. Either he wanted her or he didn't. She'd been trying to give him space to let him decide, because he needed time, right? She'd blocked his calls because she'd been angry, and didn't want to say anything that she'd regret. She'd ignored him because it was hard looking at him when things weren't right between the two. But now, all of this waiting was only making Anais think that maybe Zayn did want to move on. Maybe he really couldn't handle all of her shit friends. But, that thought has only made her sadder and angrier because how come someone outside of their relationship dictate their own happiness?