The man next door || Hyunlix

Pardon

— Chapter 25 —

The waitress interrupts them, placing down their plates. They smile and thank her, which causes her to run off yet again.

When she leaves, Felix looks up at him with sorrow plastered all over his face. He opens his mouth to speak, to say it's okay and that he apologizes, but he closes it just as fast. He does it again, and now he just looks like a damn fish.

"You don't have to say anything." Hyunjin says, looking down to the plate he just got.

Felix nods his head slowly.

He knows he should speak up, that it's a given in this situation. He just can't, however. He can't bring himself to form words with his vocal chords.

"I'm sorry." Hyunjin suddenly speaks up.

Al Hyunjin can feel is guilt. He has never talked about his childhood because he knows exactly what comes afterwards, the awkwardness. The feeling of guilt because he's been through shut. He put up a wall years ago just so he could avoid this, and know he has broken his own fortress. He broke the only rule he set for himself years ago.

Felix looks up at him with shock. "No, no, no." He says. "Don't apologize. Don't.. ever apologize for that."

"But I—"

"Hyunjin, stop." Felix says, putting a hand over Hyunjin's. "You shouldn't feel sorry. I'm glad you were able to tell me this, and while I don't know what to say.. that doesn't matter to you at all. Don't be sorry because you told me something like this."

"Are you sure?" Hyunjin says carefully.

"Hyunjin, I don't care what you've been through. My feelings or impression of you will never change because of your past and how sorry I feel for you." He says. "If that's what you worry for, don't. Tell me everything you've been through and let me care for you no matter what, okay?"

"I—" he closes his mouth, taking a deep breath. A soft, almost invisible, smile spreads on his face. "I don't know what to say." He says softly. You have me nervous to speak.

"You don't have to say anything." Felix removes his hand. "Just let me."

"Nobody's ever really.." he pauses.

"I get it." Felix says. "I've been there."

"You've been in love before?" Hyunjin ask, looking up at him.

Felix sighs, leaning back a little bit in his chair. "I have." He says. "One time, my first love."

"How did it end up?" He ask.

"Horribly." Felix chuckles. "We were two, immature, fresh out of high school kids in love. I didn't even know what love was or how to act when you love somebody. I guess you could say... I loved him— but I wasn't in love."

"Really? Well they say you always have a special place for your first love." Hyunjin says, taking another bite. He is nervous for what reply he will get, if anything this might just be a test.

"They do say that." Felix says. "But not a single part of my body longs for him. Not a single 'I love you' I say, he is never in the back of my mind. Because every part of me, inside and out, despises him."