One Dysfunctional Mess part 4

Chapter 39 Depression

After Cynthia had left Jack announced that he had lost his appetite and wanted to go home. Jason tried to cajole the boy into staying but he became adamant about leaving. Before Jason could say anything else he got up and stormed out.

Jason sent John out after him while he paid the bill. He then walked out where he found two leaning against the car. Jack's arms were crossed while he his body shook violently. John had his arm around him trying to comfort him but to no avail. He was inconsolable at that moment and probably would not recover emotionally for awhile.

Jason walked up and Jack sniffed as he said "Sorry dad."

"Quiet." Jason said as he pulled his son to him. "You have nothing to apologize for." He then hugged his son tightly and did not want to let to him go until he had squeezed out every ounce of pain and grief from him. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that." He then looked at John who was standing awkwardly by the car. "Both of you."

Jack then pulled away and asked "Can we go home now?"

"Sure." He answered. He then hit the button on the key fob unlocking the door. "Why don't you get in the back and lay down." Jack nodded and opened the door. He got in, closed the door and laid while the other two got in the front seat.

Jason looked who was curled up on the backseat holding his stomach. Anger flared through him as he cursed Cynthia for once again doing this to him. How long I am going to allow this to go on. How much more damage is that woman going to do my son before I stop it?

"Are you okay dad?" John asked as concern flashed in his eyes.

And are you going to keep letting Lauren hurt him too Jason thought as he looked at him. Are you really going to send him back to that toxic woman who has caused him who knows how much pain and grief.

If you really love these boys you would do everything in your power to protect them. Shield them from any more pain and abuse that theirl unstable mothers want to inflict upon them.

If you were really a good father you would do everything in your power to stop stuff from happening a voice of condemnation told him.

He then sighed as self loathing filled him at his inability to do what was necessary to protect his sons. No, not just my sons my daughters too. I should have done more to protect them too. But no I failed my girls just as much I failed Jack.

And as I probably will fail John.

Because that is what I do I fail my children. Time and time again

"Dad?" A worried John said.

"I'm fine champ." Jason said as he turned the ignition. "Again sorry you had to witness that."

"Its okay dad." I've been through much worse he thought. He then cringed as the sound of a switch striking his bare flesh entered his mind. He once again could hear himself crying for mercy and the angry voice yelling at him to shut up.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." He nodded his head. He then looked out the window as he heard himself scream once again.

They soon arrived at the apartment where Jason roused the boy from the deep sleep he had fallen into. Evidently he had not had enough coffee to stave off the fatigue that wanted to claim him. He had almost been tempted to let him be but was not comfortable leaving him asleep in a parking garage.

They walked into the apartment where John said "I can fix us something."

"That would be nice John."

"Do you want an egg and sausage sandwich Jack?"

"I don't care." The despondent fifteen year old said.

Jason placed his hand on Jack's shoulder and gave him a nod which said go ahead. He then patted Jack on the shoulder as he said "Come on."

"Where are we going?" The groggy boy said.

"To your room." Jason said. "I want you to lay down for awhile."

"I don't want to go to sleep." He grumbled as they walked down the hall.

"You don't have to go to sleep." Jason said. "But I want you to lay down for awhile." They stepped into the room and Jason said "Go lie down." Jack then sat on the bed with his head hung and his shoulders drooping. "I said lie down buddy."

Jack then let out a frustrated sigh. "Come on dad I'm not a little boy anymore." He then laid down on his side.

Yes you are Jack he thought. And you will always be no matter how old you get.

"I know Jack." Jason said in a gentle tone.

"You know its funny." Jack said. "The other day I was upset because mom never called to see how I was doing after what happened with Uncle Spenser." He then sniffed. "I thought it was because she didn't care." Pain flickered in his eyes. "But it was because she was disappointed that he didn't kill me."

My own mother wanted to kill me he thought as his stomach bubbled with pain. I knew she hated me but I never imagined that she wanted me dead.

"I don't think she sent Spencer here to kill you." Jason said. "Beat you yes but kill you no."

"But she would have cared less if I did." Jack said. Jason wanted to say no, assure that despite everything his mother would be devastated if he died. But he did not, could not because he knew that was not the truth. Jack knew it so trying to convince him otherwise would be a waste of time. Instead he just looked at his son blankly. "Its okay dad." He then laid on his back. "I wouldn't shed a tear if she died either."

And that was one of the saddest things Jason had ever heard.

Jack blew air through his nose "I knew today would be ruined."

"Today is not ruined." Jason said firmly.

"Yes it is." Jack sat up. "Mom ruined it like she ruined everything else."

"Only if you allow her to ruin it." Jason said.

"Too late." Jack said. "She already did."

"No she hasn't it." Jason said his voice filled with emotion. "The only thing she ruined was breakfast. You can still have fun at the party with your family and friends."

"I don't care about the party now." Jack said. "Just cancel it."

"Jack you don't mean that."

"Yes I do." Jack said. "How can I expected to have fun with my friends after what happened."

"Easy." Jason said. "Put it out of your mind." He then sat next to him. "Come on Jack you've been looking forward to this party for the past couple of days and you are going to regret it if you cancel it."

"I don't care." Jack said. "I don't want to do it now."

"How about this." Jason patted his knee and stood. . "You lie down for an hour and after you get some rest of you want still want to cancel the party we will." Jack did not look happy about that. "Lay down Jack."

"Fine." He said defiantly. "But it won't make a difference." He then laid down. "And I'm not going to sleep."

"Okay you don't have to." Jason then sat at the desk and he picked up a comic that laid on the desk. The Adventures of Seymour Butts he read. What in the world.

"I hate her dad." He yawned. "I hate her so much." He began to drift off to sleep.

"I know."

"I love you dad." He then tell asleep.

Jason got up draped a Blue Lightning comforter him and said "I love you too." He then hit the light as he walked out.

When he closed the bedroom door he heard the door bell ring. "I'll get it." John said. A few seconds later he heard John exclaim. "What are you doing here?"