oh come on | twd

• He Sounds Like An Asshole •

Me and Carl had stayed behind when Rick and the others went with Jesus to his sanctuary. 'Hilltop' he had called it. The day went by rather slowly, probably from my knowledge of everyone leaving to see how reliable Jesus was. I wasn't too worried about them as I knew they could look after themselves, but Jesus was sneaky and he'd proved so when he escaped his cell. I just hoped my observation of his lack of bloodlust was as correct as I thought so.

I was on lookout, awaiting the arrival of Daryl and the rest of the group who had went to Hilltop. I didn't have much experience with rifles, in fact I couldn't recall a time I'd effectively used one. I knew enough though, and so I stood with one in my arms that was nearly bigger than me with my pistol in my waistband. I doubted anyone would try invade us in the time it would take them to get back but it was better to be safe than sorry. The larger gun could also be used as a fear factor.

I stood up straighter when I saw the RV rolling into view. I practically jumped down the ladder and made a break for the gate, accidentally barging past Eugene in my excitement.

"Sorry, Eugene! It's your turn on watch now," I apologised, opened the gate and pushed it open for the RV to roll through.

Daryl got out first and I bounced up and down on the balls of my feet excitedly. He didn't look too happy though and seemed a bit in thought. He hadn't fully noticed me yet so I poked his arm a few times, biting my lip to withhold my giddiness. I prayed Hilltop was what Jesus had said it was; we were running desperately low on food.

"Hm?" Daryl grumbled and I smiled.

"Was he telling the truth? Can we trade with them?" I asked, and he walked alongside me back to my house, his arm around my shoulder.

  "Yep," he said, but he didn't sound enthusiastic in the slightest; something was wrong.

"What is it?" I asked, halting so he had to look at me.

I wanted to see his face, see if he was worried in any way. He always sounded the same, his voice always in the same grumbles and grunts, but his face was another story.

"Negan. Some guy with a good story; been terrorising some groups. We take 'em out, we get food and some friends," he said, putting his arm back around my shoulder and pushing me to walk again.

"He sounds like an asshole. Are we gonna do it?" I asked, letting myself in the house and to the kitchen.

"Tomorrow night."

"Great, I'll get my stuff ready," I pulled my gun out of my waistband and let it clatter on the table, emptying my pocket of loose bullets.

"That's the thing Lia. You ain't coming," he said, standing in front of me.

"What, why?" I asked, frowning in confusion.

I'd proved myself time and time again that killing wasn't something I was afraid of. Sometimes I worried that I was a horrible person because of this. I'd never killed and felt bad for it. Sure, there we things I was ashamed of but killing was never one of them. People were cruel, and in this world it was kill or be killed. Maybe it was because of my dad drilling this whole heartless, emotionless act into me that some of it still remained, but when it came down it, if any of my family asked me to kill for them, I'd do it with no hesitation.

This Negan person had been terrorising groups, and it was only a matter of time before he found out about us and made us his next target. I wasn't afraid of taking him and his group out if it meant my family could be safe. I wanted Judith to grow up without the fear of raiders. I wanted safety. Security.

"I know you're capable, you're a strong kid, braver than a lot of people I know. But you ain't comin," he said.

"Why?" I asked again.

"Cause I want ya safe. You've been through enough and we can handle this on our own. I want you to stay here with Tyreese where he can look after ya. I've already spoke to him and Rick and they agree," he said. "You've already done what no kid should've ever been made to. I'm doin' ya a favour here."

I looked away to the wall behind him. He didn't look mad at me or anything but for some reason I felt like I'd let him down. I wanted to help and I know that they didn't always need me there but I felt helpful.

"Listen Lia," his rough skin of his hand made me look at him again before he knelt down before me and I had to look down at him. "Ya mean a lot to me kid. And ya can tell me if I'm wrong, but I think your dad made you do all the adult things before and now you don't really know what to do with yourself."

I'd never thought about it before but he was right. I had to do the looting of houses and killing of walkers. I had to stay on watch during day and night till I physically couldn't anymore. Now that I had joined this group and Dad was gone, I had space and time to relax. I had people looking out for me.

"You don't have to be doin' all the hard shit anymore. Your allowed to be a kid again. I want ya safe and at home. Tyreese will keep you safe while we handle this and I want you to relax, okay? Let us handle it for you."

I nodded. For some reason I felt very teary from his small rant. It was a quick hug but it was one initiated by Daryl so it meant a lot. He never really initiated these things so knowing it was out of his own free will meant more to me than it should've.

"Go on to bed. I wanna see ya before we go tomorrow."

"Don't leave before I'm up," I said, worried that I wouldn't be awake in time and not be able to see him.

"I won't. Don't push it though," he said.

I smiled.

"Night Daryl."

"G'night Lia."