A Friendship Lost

13 - Let's Talk

Jennifer's POV

„Okay.", I say. „Let's talk."

„Can you tell me what you're so scared of?", he asks.
I narrow my brows and look down, then I look back up again.
„You.. I mean not you you. But everything about us. I'm scared of loving you, Ben."
„Because you're scared, that we won't work out?"

I nod and I need to hold back tears.
„I just... Ben, you have no idea how I felt. You have no idea how much it hurt, how much I've missed you."
„I was hurt too. But here I am and the only thing I'm scared of, is to never get to love you again. To never be able to hold you again."

I look to the side, close my eyes and purse my lips. My heart feels weird. It hurts and it beats fast at the same time. My chin is trembling.
„You don't need to be strong.", Ben speaks softly to me. He knows I'm holding back my tears.

I shake my head, then I feel my chair moving. Ben gently pushes it a little to the side. Now he's on his knees in front of me, both of his hands are on my knees.

I look into his beautiful eyes. There's hope in them.
„Everyday I felt like I was dying, Ben. It took me so long..", I pause because I have trouble speaking. „..to pick myself up again." My voice trembles.

„I'm so sorry.", he says and wipes away a single tear from my cheek. I close my eyes at his touch. More tears follow.

„Can you try and trust me again?", he asks.
I stare into his eyes. Those eyes that meant nothing but great comfort for me a long time ago. He intensifies the pressure on my knee with his hand, while his other hand still rests on my cheek, providing a cozy warmth. I can't let him go. I'm scared but I still want him more than anything else.
I nod slowly and whisper „Yes".

Ben purses his lips and closes his eyes for a second. He looks relieved, like a weight that's pushing him down has been lifted off his shoulders. He brings his other hand to my cheek and cups my face, then brings his face closer to mine. My heart is now beating violently against my chest, so heavy, that the feeling is almost unbearable.

His hands on my cheeks gently slide to my neck, so only his thumbs remain on my cheeks while the rest of his hands get a firm hold on my neck.

His lips touch mine gently and for the first time since our breakup, I feel his lips on mine. I wanted nothing more than to feel him so close again and it feels like this kiss is healing many wounds, though, not all of them. Our lips gently move on each other, pull back, go in for another soft kiss. We feel, explore and taste each other. Gazillions of butterflies are released inside my stomach and waves of pure joy build up inside of me.
Then he moves his lips to my jawline and after he leaves a trail of kisses there, he pulls me into his arms.

I gasp for air and let him hold me. My cheek rests on his head, his head rests on my chest, since he's still on his knees in front of me. I start to cry again.

After a while he gets up and pulls me up with him. Now he's taller than me and he's wrapping his arms around me, like he exactly knows how much I enjoy him being bigger than me. I turn my head to the side and snuggle onto his broad chest.
Then I wrap my arms around his waist and feel his chest rise and fall with every breath he takes. His scent envelops me and it feels like I'm melting in his arms.

I dig my nails into his back, pressing him tighter against my body. It feels a little unreal, like a dream I'll shortly wake up from. But I don't. It's real.

„I'm so happy I can hold you like this again.", Ben says and squeezes me a little.
I turn my head and place a kiss on the fabric of his shirt, that covers his chest. My lips can feel the warmth of his skin. I lean my forehead on his chest and he puts his hand on the back of my head and caresses it softly with his fingers.

His scent is even stronger here on his chest so I inhale deeply. Ben leans backwards and smiles at me. He let's the back of his index finger brush softly along my jawline to my chin, then he takes my hand.
„Come on, let's sit." He walks to the living room and takes me with him. We sit on the couch and he takes me back into his arms. My head rests on his shoulder as he wraps one arm around me.

I put my hand on the bare skin of his neck
and softly caress him with the tips of my fingers.
After a while, Ben breaks the silence, which I find to be comforting.
„I'll do everything to make you happy, baby. I'm not gonna leave."

I close my eyes and smile. „Can we keep us a secret for a little while? I don't want the media to speculate and.. go crazy like last time."
That's really important to me, because the media played a big part in our breakup back then.
„Sure.", he says and kisses my head, while he softly brushes hair out of my face.

„I missed you so much, all I wanna do is keep you here and be close.", he says.
„I feel the same way.", I reply.
„What about a little get away?"
„What? A vacation?"
„Yes."

I'd never do that with someone I just started dating. But it feels like we could pick up where we left off the last time. We just have to get to know the new versions of ourselves. I'm sure time has changed us both.
But spending time with him exclusively sounds appealing. Fuck taking things slow.

„What's going through your mind?", Ben asks.
I tilt my head back and look up to him.
„I'd love to.", I say and we share a soft kiss.
„But I need to see where it fits me, my schedule isn't crazy right now, but.. you know, the kids, work... And we'd have to be extra careful so no one will know."
„I know, I'll have to check too."
„Okay.." I softly brush my hand over his beard.

I check my phone and see it's already 9. Considering I have to get up at 4am tomorrow, I should be in bed soon.

„Mh.", I hum. „I need to leave."
„Already?"
„I have an early photoshoot tomorrow, we need the sunrise. I have to get up at 4."
„Oh god."

We get up and walk to the door.
„One thing.", Ben says when I turn around at his front door.
„What?", I ask.
Ben just glances at my face and his eyes wander around.

„What?", I giggle.
„I can't believe that pretty face is mine
again. I missed your face. Every feature. That little scar.". He touches the scar on my right eyebrow, that I got from a chicken pock.
His finger brushes down my face while I can't keep my eyes off of his.
„That sweet little mole.", he continues.
„Your perfect snub nose." He kisses the tip of my nose. „Your soft lips.", he brushes over them with his finger, then kisses them. I open my eyes back up after the kiss.
„But mostly, your beautiful brown eyes, that turn their color to hazel or even green, depending on the light."

I grab his shirt and pull him close to me to kiss him.
He's insanely romantic. We share an intense kiss and after a few kisses, I slip my tongue gently into his mouth. He immediately responds with his. The butterflies never stop, not after we say goodbye, not after I get home, lying in bed. It really happened, me and Ben are back together...? I have trouble sleeping and I'm afraid I'll wake up to it just being a dream.

A message from him the next morning let's me know it's not.

„Morning love, I hope you had a good night. I can't wait to see you again. Don't forget to check on possible dates. Hope you're having a wonderful day, baby."

I smile foolishly and cover my face with my sheets, then I let out a funny and squeaky little scream of excitement.