A Friendship Lost

28 - Confession

Leah's POV

„Okay so, here are berries, cookies and some champagne.", Jennifer puts her hands on her hips and smiles victoriously, overlooking the beautifully arranged patio. There are also flowers, lit candles and rugs on the loungers. She thought of everything.

I'm touched she did that for me.
„Champagne? It's 11 in the morning.", I raise my brows.

„And since when do you bother?", she crosses her arms in front of her chest and raises her brows too.

I laugh, walk up to her and hug her as I whisper „Thank you", into her ear.

We each sit on a lounger.
„Okay so tell me what's going on?", she asks me.
I sigh. I'm really nervous. What I'm about to confess, could change everything, for better or worse.

Her phone buzzes.
„Oh wait a sec.", she says as she takes the call.
„Hi.. really?" I listen to her talk. She giggles softly. „I'm happy to hear that.. Please tell her I missed her too and I can't wait to see her again. Leah's here.... Yes... No... Okay bye."

She smiles and puts her phone down.
I narrow my brows as I grab a strawberry and eat it.
„Who was that?", I ask.

Jennifer bites her bottom lip.
„Okay so.. there's something I need to tell you. I just wanted... to listen to you first. That's more important." I notice she's fiddling with her fingers.

„No, go ahead."
„Okay." Her smile gets a little brighter. „Ben and I.. we're back together." Her eyes widen in happiness and her whole face just lights up. She's glowing and she's so beautiful.

I notice a little stich to my heart and open my mouth to say something. My lips move, but there are no words.

Finally, something does come out. „What?"

She chuckles.
„I never told him that I need time... I'm sorry I lied to you about that. Truth is, I needed time to figure things out myself. And I did. I'm really happy."

„But... what about... you were so scared?"
I'm trying to process what she's telling me. I was about to confess to her what I feel for her and now... I don't know if I'm happy she told me, because that saved me the biggest embarrassment of my life; or if I'm hurt because she's back with Ben and I'll never get the chance to talk to her and to find out if...

„That's true. I was scared. So scared. But he... he just... it's perfect, Leah. I can hardly explain. He's the one."

„Wow..", I whisper.
„Yes."

I feel that I'm starting to tear up so I get up quickly to sit down next to her and take her into my arms.
„I'm so happy for you.", I say as a tear rolls down my face. Others follow.

Jennifer breaks the hug.
„Baby?", she asks with a worried look on her face.
„I'm okay.", I manage to whisper. „I'm happy for you. I really am... but... I.. the divorce and... everything. It's just a lot. But I am truly happy for you. I am." And that's not even a lie. It's just not the whole truth.

She grabs the back of my head and pulls me onto her chest, then places a soft kiss on my head. „You're gonna be okay again. I know that.", she softly speaks to me and I nod slowly.

She tells me everything about how they got back together while I empty my glass of champagne faster than I planned to.

Then she asks about me.

„I just needed time away.. To think, to breathe again and to... I don't know. Sometimes you just need to be alone, break free... you know."
„I do.", she says and caresses my hair that's laying on my back.

„Angelo texted, he says he's willing to forgive and work on us...", I tell her.
„He did? Wow, that's... how do you you feel about that?"
I sigh. „I don't know. I don't know if he will change. He didn't before."

„But now you left him. Now he knows what it's like without you."
„He even went to see a doctor to check on his hormones and stuff."
„Wow."
„Yes."

We keep on talking until the sun comes around and we decide to hop inside the pool. Jennifer looks amazing and I can hardly take my eyes off her.

What I said about Angelo wasn't a lie. And now that telling Jenn how I feel is off the table, I'm considering getting back with him. Because after all, we worked well together. And I'm not thrilled to live the single life.  I just don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm sitting on the edge of the pool while Jenn swims around.

„Leah?", Jenn snaps me out of my thoughts.
„Huh?"
„You're staring into space."
„Oh."

„What are you thinking of?", she asks.
„Ugh, uhm...", I stutter.
„You're not thinking about getting back with him, are you?"
I open my mouth but fail to speak.

„LEAH!!", she almost yells. She swims towards me, pushes herself out of the water and sits down next to me.
She takes my face into both of her hands. The water feels cold but soon the warmth of her hands surrounds my cheeks.

„Leah! Are you insane? Don't you remember how hurt you were? Still are! And how much you suffered?"

I stare into her eyes and start to press my lips together, attempting not to say what lingers on my tongue.

„Seriously. Baby. I couldn't stand to see you like that again.."

My lips are pursed. I roughly pull my face out of her hands and breathe deeply.
„How is this any different from you and Ben?"

She stays quiet.
„I see.", I say.

„Leah, let's not fight.", she softly says. „Maybe you're right." She puts her hand on my thigh and squeezes it.
„You have to know. If you wanna talk it through, I'm here for you.", she says and let's go of my thigh.

„Thank you."

We spend the rest of the day together. There's no fighting, just honest thoughts, sharing and a hug here and there. It's a beautiful day and it almost makes me forget about my feelings. But just almost.