A Friendship Lost

39 - Love

Leah's POV

I just stand there and stare blankly at the spot on the bed she sat on. I can't tell for how long I'm already standing. My body feels numb, I can't move.

This can't be real. With all the strength I'm able to gather, I start moving my fingers until I can stretch them, little by little.

As soon as I'm able to walk again, I walk outside, because I assume she went home. Maybe she's still waiting for her car. Outside I look around. She's not here. I lean my back against the wall, then I bow forward and put my hands on my knees, trying to cope with the discomfort I am feeling right now.

I breathe slowly and deeply as my eyes start to burn from the tears that are shooting in. Anger creeps up inside of me. First of all at myself for falling for her. Second at her, for not being by my side and for cutting me off.

Furious steps take me to my car and I slam the door and race to Jenn's house. Excuse me, Ben and Jenn's house.

I'm let in at the gate and when I get out I press the doorbell aggressively for several times.

Ben opens up with a confused look on his face.
„Where is she?", I hiss at him.
„Upstairs..", he replies. I don't know how much she told him and I really don't give a shit right now.

I storm upstairs an yell for her.

„Jennifer!! JENNIFER!"

Her bedroom door opens and she looks like she's been crying. I walk over and push the door open so I can get in.

„What are you doing here?"
„You just walked out and threw our whole friendship away, because I fell in love with you! You didn't even try to be there for me! What kinda friend is that?"

Her mouth opens but she stays quiet.

„Huh.", I state. „I can tell you. A friend would've stayed, a friend would've cared, a friend would've been there! But you have Ben and now you don't need me anymore. Do you know how that feels like?"

She mutters something so quietly, that I don't understand.

„What?"
„I do need you.", she repeats quietly.

„Then why send me away? Why give up what we have?"

„I told you I can't hurt you."

„I tell you, you can. I can live through that. What I can't live through is losing you completely."

„Leah.. no."

„Why? Leave that decision to me, okay?"

„I'm not a shitty friend."

„I didn't say that."

Jennifer speaks quietly, reserved, almost submissive in a way.
Her head is down slightly and she's holding her fingers in front of her body, sometimes fiddling with them.

I walk over to her and put my fingers on her chin to make her look up again.

„Please, let's just get over it."

She furrows her brows and inhales.
„No..", she almost whispers.
„Why are you so stubborn? Do I mean nothing to you?", I get louder again, she makes me seriously mad.

„No..", she repeats herself. „You mean a lot..to me."
„What is it then? I can take the hurt, okay? I won't make any move, I'll handle it. Just let us be us again."

„Maybe I can't."

I look at her with confusion. And she looks confused too. And scared.

She exhales and frowns again.
„I don't know if I can do it, okay? I'm with Ben and I can't.... I can't, Leah."
„What are you saying?"

We gaze into each others eyes.
„I'm saying I can't. We can't be us again, because.. I can't."
„Jennifer... I promise I won't try anything with you." I've got to the point of begging because I can't make any sense of what she's saying.

„But what if I can't promise the same?"

What did she just say? Did she just say that? My heart skips a beat.

I cup her face and look into her eyes.

„Then that's okay..", I say. There's still hope..?

„No it's not. Leah. Wrong time. I'm married. I'm happy. I've never been that happy in my life and I'm not going to throw that away because I'm... confused or whatever this is. Okay. Please.. I can't. I really can't." The last words come out more as a whisper.
She let me cup her face for as long as she's talking, but a few seconds after she finished her sentence, she pulls her head out of my hands.

Now I get her. She couldn't admit. Maybe she couldn't even admit it to herself. It wasn't just about not hurting me.

My heart breaks as I realize how serious that is. That there actually is no hope and that this is the end. The end of our friendship because she will never give up Ben, she made that really clear.

I'm starting to tear up as my heart hurts and I stand in front of her, crying.

„I'm sorry.", she whispers.
I nod in response, trying to tame the tears but my attempts are flooded by more tears as my heart just won't stop hurting.

Suddenly I feel her touch on my hands as she's making our fingers intertwine. She squeezes my hands gently and I look up to her. She's not crying but her eyes are teary.

I lean forward and kiss her cheek softly which makes her let out a small sob.

Jennifer's POV

I didn't realize what I was all about. But now I do. I shied away from that because that can't be. I'm as happy as I've never been before why are there even the slightest of feelings for someone else. All the time pushing her away because I didn't wanted to hurt her was me trying to push away what I am feeling. But the realization only made my decision clearer, as hurtful as it is.

Her lips leave my cheek and I know that our time together is over. Maybe for a while, maybe forever. I don't know.

She looks at me and forces a soft smile. I do too. We know.

„Goodbye.", she says with a trembling voice.
„Bye..", I whisper back, my voice quivering. She let's go of my hands and leaves.

I slowly let myself down on the floor where I sit and feel the pain caused by her leaving. I'm crying silent tears.

Then I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. Ben. He sits down opposite me and pulls me into his arms. I couldn't feel worse and I couldn't feel better. The simultaneity is difficult to process.

Eventually I start to feel better after a while. It's  in his arms where I belong. Ben places a soft kiss on top of my head and I look up. He wipes my damp face and I have to smile. He smiles back and leans in for a kiss. Our lips meet and causes little fires to spark inside me.

„I love you.", I whisper against his lips.
„I love you too.", he whispers back.

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Hey everybody, I hope you enjoyed. :)

Maybe I'll write a second part to this some day, but for now, I'm done.

As per request, I'm working on a prequel for The Mother, but I hardly find the time recently. But something is coming.

Thanks for sticking around, reading and commenting, I love your feedback.  I appreciate it so much and thank you for that. ❤️

Read you soon,
XOXO