A Friendship Lost

38 - One Last Time

Jennifer's POV

„You didn't!", I laugh at my friend, Shawn. It's her birthday party and she invited a couple of her female friends.

I like the atmosphere because it's just us girls. There's women chatting in the living room, on the patio and at the kitchen bar that's opening up to the living room.

We're all a little dressed up, because Shawn's invitation said „come as the goddesses you are", so everyone's showing their best side. Although, we're always goddesses, even in sweatpants and shirts.

Me and Shawn walk over to the bar and get ourselves a drink, then I turn around and my glass almost slips out of my hand. Leah's standing in front of me.

„Hi..", I say softly, the confusion clearly written all over my face.
„Hey...", she replies.

I had no idea Leah's coming and I never expected her here, given that Shawn is my friend and not a mutual one. Sure they always got along great, but not in a way she'd invite Leah to anything.

„I thought you two need to talk..", Shawn says and smiles her signature peaceful smile. „I leave you to it. If you want some privacy, go to my bedroom." She leaves and let's us stand there.

My mouth is open looking at Shawn walk away.
„I had no idea.", Leah says and I turn my head to look at her.
„You didn't think I'd be here?", I raise my brows.
„I wasn't sure.", she shrugs her shoulders.

„Come on..", I say and walk to Shawn's bedroom like she offered. I turn on the light and sit on the edge of her bed, while Leah steps inside and closes the door.

„How are you?", I ask her and sip on my drink.
„I'm okay.", she replies, still standing by the door.

„You didn't text.", I say.
„Neither did you."
I purse my lips and cock my brows. „Mh."

„What's that?"
„What's what?"
„The attitude."

I flicker my eyes and roll them slightly.
„See that.", Leah says. „There's no need to come at me like that."
„Come at you?" I get up.

„Yes. You can keep your attitude."
I turn my back on her and let my head sink.

Attitude... The only reason I'm having „an attitude", is because I miss her and I don't get why she couldn't even text me once. She didn't even had to congratulate us, but just... something. But she gave me nothing. And, as my so called best friend, that's just poor. Like she doesn't even care a little bit.

„Jennifer, I don't know what you're mad for."
I turn back to look at her.
„You could've texted at least. But you didn't. I got nothing."
„What was I suppose to text you? What should I have said?", Leah gets a little louder and squints her eyes.

„I don't know.. I know it's not fair but our wedding was important to me. And it was important for me to have you with me. But you couldn't. And then you didn't even say something? I understand it's hard for you, but I mean... Nothing? Just nothing? I guess I.. I expected more from you.. I feel like.. I'm not important to you anymore. And don't think this is easy for me, because it's hard for me too."

Leah stands by the door with a look on her face I'm not sure how to read. Mad, sad?

„We agreed on keeping things on the low. If I remember correctly, you were the one suggesting it?"
„Leah. I got nothing. NO-THING!" Also, this fact let's me know she was way too hurt to say something. I refuse to believe she doesn't care so I have to think that that must be the reason.

Leah's quiet. There's a distance between us I've never felt before.

„Are you still in..."
„...in love with you?"

I nod softly.
Leah inhales deeply and looks away.

She takes some time.

„Not as much.. no.", she finally answers.
I don't feel like this is the truth.

„Leah..."
„What?"

We both say nothing for a while, I just try to read her face while she's trying to mask whatever real feelings she has.

„Ask me again.", she then says. I frown but Leah nods.

„Do you still love me?"
Leah purses her lips and closes her eyes for a second before she's opening them back up again.
„How could I ever not?", she finally replies with a trembling voice.

„Fuck..", I whisper. If she loves me, I don't see a way of us being friends.

„I'm sorry..", she says, close to tears.
„I need you, Leah. I need you to be my friend again."

„We can be..", she says with hope in her voice, but that hope is betraying her. She must know we can't. She exactly knows I can not hurt her that way by just being her friend.

I put my glass down. Four fast steps take me to her and I pull her into my arms roughly.

„We can't. I miss you. I'm gonna miss you so much.", I whisper with a quivering voice while I press her close against me.
Leah puts her arms around me too and we hug firmly and intense.

„Don't say that.", Leah whispers back.
„I love you.", I then say and hug her even tighter. After that I break the hug while pushing her to the side gently so I can open the door. I walk away as fast as I can, knowing that this is the last time in a while, forever, who knows.. that we've talked to each other. Without saying goodbye to anybody, I leave the party quickly, while I keep my head down so no one will see the pain my face clearly shows.

Outside I feel like breaking down but I keep it together until my car arrives. I get in quickly and as soon as I close the door I sob uncontrollably and heavy tears roll down my face. Maybe I hoped for her to stop me. To not give up on us. But she didn't. And maybe that's for the better.

I can't believe I just lost my best friend, because she loves me too much.