Lost Star~Ateez OT8

Ice Water

Foggy Minds

I went and changed into my black skinny jeans keeping my corset on underneath and still wearing Yeosangs shirt. Do I dare to peek at my stitches. Well. I guess I’m an idiot, I went and stood in front of the mirror and stripped my top half, as I peeled the bandage from my skin revealing my stitches. The whole area a gross shade of purple. I traced my fingertips from top to bottom, so tender. Quickly putting my clothes back on, I can’t stand the sight of myself
I’m tired of being cooped up. They don’t need to be packing me everywhere. That’s all they’ve done, I’ll admit though, it makes me feel special when they hold me so close to them. I still feel so terrified that they’re going to hurt me again. I’ve never jumped so fast into something before, but I did for them. Took me for granted, broke my heart and walked away only to come crawling back begging for forgiveness. Unreliable.
Maybe I should keep my guard up a little higher. I am proud of myself for the way they responded to my lingerie though, worked like a charm.
I am going to keep myself guarded until they show me that they’re sorry, if they really are. In the blink of an eye they could end it again and I’ll sit wondering what I possibly could have done wrong. I refuse to tell them anything about my past unless I absolutely need to. Callie is the only one who needs to know. I grabbed my phone quickly checking the time. Time passes by fast, so fast it’s making my head spin. I haven’t mentally comprehended what’s happened to me so far. I can’t tell if it truly doesn’t bother me or I’m just repressing everything.

My phone buzzed from Callie’s texts
~hey how’s everything going over there? You good?~
~no I’m not, I’ve lost more weight in such a short amount of time and I feel so hideous seeing the stitches on my body~
~oh Rhea, you’re beautiful no matter what, I promise. The stitches will be removed before you know it okay? Please don’t be so hard on yourself, did you want to video call?~
~okay thank you, I do feel a bit better now, maybe we can later? We’re about to head out right now, I have no idea where we’re going, I was just told to get ready to go. I’ll send you an update when I get there, love you~
~love you too Rhea, always~

I shoved my phone in my pocket, I should probably get a case for it, Chan was nice enough to get me a new phone so I could stay in contact with Callie until we could both go home but I’m wondering if that will ever happen. I’ll go to the mall tomorrow or something. I walked out of the bathroom and saw Jongho leaning against the wall outside the bathroom door giving me a sweet smile and holding his sweater out for me to take.
*No thanks, I’ll grab one from my suitcase. I’ll just be a minute* I can see the hurt in his eyes, don’t feel guilty. I need to keep some distance until I feel I can trust them again. I walked down the hallway trying to find my stuff in one of the rooms. At last. Last door on the left I found my things. I put it on the bed and opened it up, I changed out of Yeosangs shirt and taking my corset off only standing there in my bra. Digging through my new clothes I decided to just change into a complete new outfit, I’m glad I decided to get a new pair of shoes too.