PARADOX

PDX46

March 22nd 2023
Dallas, Texas
7:30 am

Rashad parked his car before grabbing the iced coffee in his cup holder and taking a sip. Subtly, he scanned the parking lot waiting to see that silver Audi pull up in its usual parking spot. A flash of pique came over him as the memory of him reading the note that Amina left him came to mind. Confusion and pain lingered over him all morning, not the sound of a song or another thought could mask both emotions. He sat his coffee down and rested his head on his fist.

He realized Amina's scheduled differentiated from day to day, and he didn't know if she had an appointment scheduled this early or not. But here he was, ready to face her after reading the note she left him. Yeah, he could've picked up the phone, but he wanted to see Amina in the flesh.

Being so deep in his thoughts made him miss out on seeing Amina pull up, he randomly looked up and noticed her grabbing her purse out of the passenger seat—I told her stop doing that dumb shit, he thought to himself. He repeatedly explained that it was no reason to hop out the drivers seat and walk all the way to the passenger side to grab your purse, it was almost as if she was begging a nigga to run up on her for her purse.

Rashad quickly hopped out of his vehicle and jogged over to her, "Amina—let me talk to you." He called out, once he was close enough he grabbed her arm. She turned around and adjusted her purse on her shoulder, Rashad could tell she wasn't expecting to see him, knowing her she was probably expecting a phone call.

"You ain't have the decency to at least talk to me in person? You gon' write me a weak ass note?" Rashad spoke, causing Amina sigh before pursing her lips together. "Have I ever not created a space for you talk to me about whatever?" He questioned.

"You right—the more I thought about it, the note wasn't a good idea...but I was conflicted, I love you Rashad but this isn't the life I want...an understanding without commitment seems like hell in the long run." Amina replied.

Rashad shook his head, "Im not out here telling bitches I'm single nor am I talking to other bitches—you taken care of mentally, physically, and emotionally." He spoke.

"So what's the pain in putting a title on it? You doing all this but won't stamp it." Amina replied as she shifted her weight to one leg and sat her hand on her hip. "Actions speak way louder than a fuckin title, it's hoes out here with a title but that's all they got!" Rashad combated. The duo stared at each for a second before tears began to stream from Amina's eyes and down her face.

"I sat in your face and told you that Cass was only taking what she could get from you and I turned around and did the same thing." Amina's voice began to shake, causing Rashad's eyebrows to furrow together. "Yo—Amina, what? That's not the same thing." Rashad argued.

Amina shook her head yes as she began to cry even harder, "Yes it is! It's the same with all of those other bitches too, you won't commit to me just like you ain't commit to them!"

"I don't want to be in my 30s and a nigga calling me his special lady—what kinda shit is that? Either I'm your girlfriend or I'm your wife, simple. And yo mama sat there and played in my face because she knew we weren't together!" Amina exclaimed. "My mama did that shit cause she got issues—shit been so good between us and you ready to throw it away over a word?" Rashad noised. Amina shook her head as she wiped her eyes.

"You don't get it...you just don't get it." Amina spoke above a whisper as tears flowed from her eyes. "You might love me but you don't cherish me....you put me on the same level as all your other bitches." She added.

"You chattin, that's not even true Amina. On the same level? I wasn't taking them out or opening up to them." Rashad responded.

"It all boils down to you not being with them or me." Amina spoke before she sniffled and wiped her eyes. Meanwhile, Rashad was feeling something that he'd only felt once in his life. And quite like the first time he encountered the emotion, he was perturbed. "I been with you though, Mi...damn near every day—we got plans mama, like come on." Rashad spoke, growing more emotional by the second. His eyes began to swell with tears.