PARADOX

PDX50

April 22nd 2023
Dallas, Texas
10:50 am

All morning, Amina had been feeling different variations of pain. She opened her eyes, secretly wishing that she didn't get the chance to. Figuring the pain would bruise less if she left with her baby. A single tear rolled down her face as yesterdays events came to mind. Sending a shock of pain to her heart. She tried to believe that maybe it was all a dream, but once she got scheduled for a D&C, she knew that this was no longer a dream, but a nightmare. The feeling of the mama necklace Rashad gifted her rested on her arm causing her to reach for it and look at it. Once her thumb swept over the gold words, her heart broke all over again.

"I'm sorry, baby." Amina spoke aloud, while staring out the window. Being pregnant one day and not the next had her mind wrecked. Knowing that she lost her child because of bullshit made it hurt even more. She began to blame herself, she was done with work for the day and figured none of this would've happened if she would've worked on her aunts bundles from home. The only thing motivating Amina to get out of bed, was filing a police report on Cass—she wanted her and her friends under the jail.

Amina grabbed the Hennessy bottle from her nightstand and took a swig from it, she was so numb, she didn't even flinch at the burning sensation that the liquor gave her once she swallowed. She hadn't felt this way since her mother passed, both situations flipped her world completely upside down.

Amina tapped her phone to see a Lock Screen full of notifications, once she unlocked it, the 10% battery message popped up. Which made sense, when Amina got back from her D&C. She changed out of her clothes and crashed into bed and eventually cried herself to sleep. Weakly, she pushed the charger in the phone and began to skim through her notifications.

Chalyn
Why y'all ain't reply to the TikTok I sent?

Ro
Saw it already

Chalyn
You can laugh again...it's still funny!

Ro
Why I just doordashed a cookie and some ice cream from yo shit and the cookie was harder than a damn rock.

You needa be in jail for that Cha

Chalyn
LMFAOOOOOOOOO, Ro pls. I don't even play bout the texture of my cookies

Ro
Well somebody needa be fired..you lucky I know you, I'd dispute ts so fast fam

Chalyn
Mimi? Wya

Suge
You good Mi?

Hello?

I'm just checking on you

Amina

Amina sat the phone back on her nightstand and continued to stare blankly out the window. "Shit." Amina kissed her teeth, realizing she had an appointment at 11. Prior to right now, Amina never canceled on her clients, no matter what challenges she faced. But this was different, she knew she wouldn't be able to show up and be the best stylist she could be after losing her child. She used the small amount of energy she had to let her 11 o clock appointment know that she needed to cancel and that she would issue her a refund. Amina went ahead and canceled the appointments she had for the rest of the week as well.

The service industry was tricky, so she wasn't sure if her clients would show her grace after inconveniencing them, but honestly—she didn't care about receiving grace right now. Amina went to Instagram and typed a message explaining to her clients that she was sorry for canceling, but it was for personal reasons. She added it to her story and sat her phone right back down.

Vigorous knocking on her door gave her body a brief shake, she kissed her teeth as she sat up for a second, listening to the knocking continue. Amina kissed her teeth before letting out a groan as she got up to answer the door. Amina stood on her toes to look through the peephole, through the small circle she saw Rashad standing there with his phone pressed against his ear.