bounce back

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i sat in the boat alone, its still tethered to the dock and it's raining but the roof protects me from it.

i came out here to think.

think about liv.

think about our future.

think about everything i've learned about her & from her in the past 2 years.

"jack?" my mom asked softly, getting in the boat. "whats going on?"

i didn't make eye contact with her.

"just thinking."

"wanna talk or should i leave you alone? i've noticed that youve seemed off the whole time you've been home."

i looked at her and my eye immediately filled with tears.

"i love her so much."

she sat by me and hugged me.

"i know you do babe, i see it."

"she almost broke up with me while she was in the hospital, if that happened i... i dont know what i would do if she did. my hearts so heavy thinking about it." i explained.

"oh jack, im sorry, i didn't know. this shows how much you love you and what youd do for her."

"im worried about her, like im tempted to cancel on the boys trip to be with her." i said.

"i know she'll want you with the boys."

"yeah, but i want to be with her during this time. it hurts for me to not be with her. if i had a plane ticket to her right now, id go in a heartbeat without a second thought." i said.

"it makes me happy to know how much you love her." she nodded.

i looked at he again, "do i go with the guys or cancel?"

she shrugged, "talk to liv and see how she is."

"thats the thing, if i ask, she'll say shes fine. she'll never tell me whats wrong until she explodes or starts going down hill again. so ill ask and she'll want me to go but-mom, shes just got a lot going on." i stressed.

"maybe, you two need some time apart to kind of resent before the season starts."

"i dont know."

she stood up, "think about it while we eat dinner, come on."

i stood up and followed her back in the house.

i could hear the commotion of the guys being here, i guess i lost track of how long i was out there.

"hey jacky." cole greeted me.

"hey man."

the door opened again and boldy walked in.

"sorry im late." he immediately apologized.

"you're right on time bud." my mom greeted him.

i turned around to look into the game room and i remember the picture of liv asleep with a towl on her head and a whole comforter on her.

i miss her.

"jack!" alex greeted.

i bro hugged alex, ty, josh and the duke brother.

even with 9 of my best friends, ill still be struggling to keep liv off my mind.

-

day 3 of the guys trip and ive felt like shit for leaving liv at home the entire time.

weve talked everyday, text and facetime, but that doesn't fix the whole in my heart.

whats the season going to look like?