Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 117

Katniss

Gale is missing. He's probably dead. How could he be dead? Why did this have to happen? I finally felt peace towards Gale. I know I'll never be able to kindle up the friendship that we shared again. That was years ago. It seemed as though we had all made peace with each other. Gale and Peeta don't resent one another. I no longer feel the anger in my bones when I see him, either. And now this. He's missing. I know what that means. If Gale, the ex-miner, is stuck under ground, there is no hope. He has been trained for things like this. Of course, there's hope but only a tiny fraction of it. And I've had enough experience in my life that I know not to get my hopes up.

As if I don't have control over my own body, I find myself somehow managing to stumble down several flights of stairs. I have been here before. I'm underground, walking towards the level where Gale and I ate and trained. I passed the level where Prim and I slept. I couldn't force myself to look at it, let alone walk into it.

I keep my eyes forward, trying to rid my mind of the demons I know are there. They're always there; forever taunting me. After what feels like hours, I reach the floor I was looking for, completely out of breath. I make myself sit for a few minutes, knowing that I shouldn't be here. If I have a panic attack this far down, no one will find me. I'm at least a mile below Peeta, a long with most living people in this District. Haymitch told me that after I killed Fiona, they began construction aboveground and now most of the floors underground are deserted. Of course, there are a few strays who attain to keeping this place as clean as possible. In case of another incident like the last one, when everyone is forced to evacuate.

I can see the entry to the cafeteria just a few yards from where I sit on the dusty floor. I'm not sure if I can bring myself to go in there. I'm not even sure why I'm here in the first place.

But, to my surprise, I do stand. I take small steps towards the place where I sat with Gale everyday for months. It was so long ago. Things are so different now. As I suspected, everything sits seemingly untouched. The tables and chairs sit in the same disorderly fashion. The screens where I watched Peeta suffer are blank and silent. My feet make their way over to the table I sat at with Gale and Prim. I sit, in my spot and somehow I briefly feel their prescence again.

"How is it possible that both of you are gone?" I whimper, fixating my eyes on Gale's seat. "I miss you. Both of you." That's when the first tear falls and I know I'm done for. There will be more to come.

I have lost everything. I know that Gale's probable death wasn't my fault. It was just an accident. No one planned for the mines to go off when they did. Gale just happened to be the unlucky victim.

Prim's death wasn't my fault either, really. I know Gale built the bomb, and I know Coin dropped it. I know that Coin most likely let Prim go to the Capitol. But somehow, I still end up feeling guilty for both of them. I feel like it was my responsibility to watch over them, especially my sister. No, I don't feel responsible. I feel like a failure; like I ceased to do my job. But why does it have to be me. Why do I have to take responsibility for everyone. Why couldn't I have just been born normal? Why couldn't someone else, someone better, have taken my place as this leader that I know I'm not? I don't understand any of this. Why should I?

"Why did you have to die?" I yell, pressing my palms to my forhead. Suddenly, I feel angry. At Prim for being stupid enough to have listened to Coin. For Finnick for throwing himself at those mutts. At Gale for. . .for. . .

Any resolve that I had breaks at that moment. I shouldn't be mad at them. It certainly won't do any good, and it's just plain stupid. They're already dead. There's nothing I can do or say to change that. I know I got my revenge, years ago for those deaths. But it didn't help me. It just drove a knife deeper into my heart than it already was.

"Katniss?" I almost fall out of my chair. I hardly have to glance and I know who it is. Her eyes are puffy and red, probably just the same as mine. Her skin is flushed and she looks broken. Gale's wife sits beside me. I wipe the tears away from my cheeks. I won't look at her again. I can't.

"Katniss, I know that you and Gale-" her voice cracks when she says his name. "You two had a bond that I'll never be able to compete with. But I am his wife. You can talk to me too."

She speaks again, as if she knows I won't reply, "I'm not even sure what I'm talking about at this point. I'm speaking like we're the same person. We aren't, not in the slightest bit. But you don't have to keep this in. I've never experienced a loss like this. I know you have. Maybe I'm just looking for a sense of comfort myself," she whispers. I shut my eyes and turn my head. I don't want to watch her cry. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have interuppted you. I'll leave."

"If you want me to tell you that it will get better, I can't. I can't do that. I'm sorry," I say as she gets up to leave. "The pain numbs after a while I guess. But it never goes away."

"Well, there's still hope. I still have hope. You should too, Katniss," she says. I nod, even though I don't believe it. She comes from District 2, the privelaged district. She doesn't know loss like the 12 citezens do.

"Hello." There's a new voice in the room. This time, I do turn my head to the unfamilar chirp of a child.

"Aster, I told you to stay in the bedroom." Aster. I remember Hazelle mentioning her name when I was at their house. It's Gale's daughter.

"You're Katniss. Aren't you?" she says, tilting her head slightly to the left. She has long, curly dark hair that bounces when she walks. "You know my father."

I can only muster up enough strength to mumble the word yes. "Will you tell me about him?"

"What do you mean? He's your father."

"I mean when he was here. I know he was. He talks about this place sometimes. I'm not supposed to listen," she whispers. I'm not sure what to say. It's not like I can tell her that her father used to be in love with me. I can't talk about the war or the purpose for it either. She's too young to be scarred with the tales of the past.

So, I go with the simplest thing I can say, "He was my best friend. And he would have risked his life to save anyone here," I say. I hope she isn't old enough to tell that I'm lying. No, Gale was not selfless. Yes, he did kill hundreds of people from Aster's mother's own district. But she's just a child, and she deserves to believe that her dad was selfess and brave. "He even saved my husband, Peeta. He got him out of a horrible place. Your father was a hero."

By the look on Aster's face, I know that she's satisfied. And before I get up to leave she takes a few steps forward, stands on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my waist. At first I step back, but I catch my balance, and half-hug her back. When she lets go, I put on the best smile I can and quickly walk out of there before I break down in front of them.

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Sosososooo sorry I haven't uploaded in a while. If any of you readers are also writers, you understand how hard it is when you have an idea but just can't put it into actual, readable words xD Anywayyyys, hope you liked this chapter! Hopefully, I'll talk to you guys again soon! <3

-booklover2019