Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 131

Peeta

After the interview is over, Katniss and I get out of the building as soon as we can, fighting our way through the crowds of people just trying to get a glimpse at the two of us. Haymitch and Effie took Willow back to our room before we even got on stage for the second time. It was strange, after Katniss and I came back to the interview, it was as if the entire presentation had been forgotten. No one mentioned it, no one acknowladged what had happened. I can't say that I'm at all disappointed. The whole situation is so awful. How could the Capitol show Prim to Katniss? How could they show the hijacked version of myself to me? I refuse to let myself think about it too much. I'm afraid that I might get a flashback, although I'm taking the Capitol prescribed medicine to calm them.

The video happened so quickly, I've already forgotten some of it. I was more focused on Katniss. I felt so unbelievably helpless throughout the entire thing, watching her struggle to hold herself together. There was little to nothing that I could have done, as we were in front of the entire country and I myself was having a hard time keeping myself together also.

I want so much to shelter Katniss from all of this, to protect her. I can with most things, but tonight was different. I felt useless on that stage, unable to speak or move. I could hardly bear to look at her, the pain etched across her face.

I know how much her sister's death destroyed her. I know how much it still is, and I can't fix it. Every single day for the past years I have tried to the best of my ability to make her forget, to make her happy again. Obviously she is so much better than she was all of those years ago, but I know that she will never truly forget. None of us will. For as long as we live, the evil ghosts of our pasts will loom over us, lurking around every corner and I can't stop it no matter how much I want to. No matter how hard I try.

Katniss doesn't speak at all on the way back to our building. She stares out the dark tinted window at the rain that has slowly begun falling from the sky. Dark strands of her hair have slipped from her braid and now curl around her beautiful face. I want to say something, but I can't seem to find the right words. We both seem to have gone mute, like an avox. Instead, I wrap my fingers gingerly around hers. She doesn't hesitate, but she doesn't react much either. A brief pang of fear washes over my body. What if I've lost her? No, of course I haven't, I'm being irrational and ridiculous. The Katniss that I know and love would never abandon Willow. When she looks at her, her features have this certain quality that I can't even begin to explain. It's like she's another person, overcome with infinite love. I know Katniss loves me, but the love that she shares for our daughter is different. Katniss would never even consider leaving her.

When we arrive at the hotel, Katniss heads straight for our bedroom. I decide to wait out in the kitchen. Katniss needs time to heal and I am absolutely willing to give it to her. I would give her the world if she wanted it.

I lean against the wall that seperates the living room and the kitchen and shut my eyes tightly, trying to block out the images of my past that were played before me tonight, though it doesn't seem to help. If anything, the horrifying scenes play out in my mind even more vividly than before. I think of myself, the mutt version of myself anyway, trying to hurt and kill Katniss and I can't hold myself together anymore. One by one, salty tears fall from my eyes. I have tried so hard for such a long time to force myself not to think of any of this. I hate crying, especially in front of Katniss. I know she feels the same way. We're supposed to be strong for each other. My mother used to see crying has a sign of weakness. She would beat my brother's and I for it. I specifically remember when I was six and my brothers and I were climbing trees in our backyard after working that day. My oldest brother Rye, who was nine at the time, had fallen from a tree. He had scraped his arm and when he saw the blood he began to cry. My mother stormed out of the bakery, stood him up by yanking on his hair and hit him on the cheek. Of course, this hadn't improved the situation at all. Rye just cried harder, my mother continued hitting him. Rusk, who was eight ran into the bakery and hid. He was always the one to get scared easily.

When Rye fell to the ground, begging for our mother to stop was when I decided I needed to do something. I don't quite remember what had happened exactly, but I know that I grabbed my mother's arm, throwing her off and giving Rye enough time to run inside with Rusk. It made our mother furious. I don't remember the pain of my mother's palm hitting my cheek. I don't remember the black eye I must have had for the next days to come. I just remember standing there, under a willow tree in my back yard enduring the suffering so my brother would be safe.

Ever since then, I've hated even the thought of myself breaking down and crying. Every time I do, I see the image of my mother, disapproval and disappointed etched across her face.

After a few minutes, I calm myself enough to stand up straight and walk to the couch. Willow is still with the others. Before they left earlier, I asked Katniss's mother to take care of her for the night. I'm sure the nightmares will visit Katniss and I tonight, and we don't need a crying infant to take care of too.

When Katniss comes out to where I'm sitting, she has a bottle of alcohol in her hand. She slumps down in the couch, a blank look in her eyes. "Katniss, you shouldn't be drinking. You'll turn into Haymitch," I mumble jokingly. She reacts by taking another long sip.

"Why do you even care?" she whispers. I almost choke.

"Are you serious? Why do I care? Because I love you that's why. I care because I always want to be there for you and protect you. But I can't do that when you refuse to let me in," I say, my tone slowly getting louder.

"I'm sick of being babied. I can take care of myself," she says, taking another sip.

"Obviously you can't," I say. She doesn't reply. "Okay, that's enough." I stand up and reach for the bottle but she's to quick and moves away.

"So what if I become like Haymitch?" she says. "Let me! Maybe you care but I don't anymore."

"You're drunk. You don't mean that," I whisper, fighting back tears.

"What if I do?"

"What about Willow? If you can't pull yourself together for me, your husband, then stay for Willow. She needs you more than anyone. You are her everything. Not me, you. You are her mother. And you have to love her. She deserves to be loved. You of all people should know what it feels like to be neglected by your mother. And if you don't, I certainly do," I say. I catch her off guard and knock the bottle from her hands. It spills across the carpet.

For a split second, she doesn't do anything but stare. Then she falls, as if the only thing that was keeping her together was the vile tasting liquid in that bottle. I'm there to catch her, even though she doesn't want me to be. She attempts to free herself from my arms, but it just makes me hold on tighter. I can't let what she's saying now get to me. I know that she's drunk and I know she won't remember it tomorrow. So, although she doesn't want me right now, I hold her close to my chest and kiss the top of her head while she sobs for the broken bottle, for Prim, for herself, for everyone. I let her cry because even though what she said to me just moments ago hurts me and even though the interview earlier today is still causing me an immense amount of pain, I fight away my own tears and hold her as she cries because she deserves to be held, protected, and loved. And at least I can give her that.

Wowwwww it's been far over a month since I've updated and I'm really really really really sorry. I had an explanation because I had this awful, extremely hard English class that took up not only my weekdays, but my weekends too, but that class ended two weeks ago so I really don't have an excuse this time :/ So I'm soooooo sorry about the long wait.

Hope you guys liked this chapter, a lot of you told me you wanted a Peeta chapter since I haven't written one in forever, so hopefully you guys enjoyed it. It's a little bit harder for me to write, but it's something different which was fun :)

Don't forget to vote! I love you guys sooooo much and I hope to talk to you again soon :))

-booklover2019