Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 104

Katniss

"Peeta, please come out of there," I say, obviously annoyed. He's been in the office for over an hour, refusing to come out.

"No. I'm staying in here until we go to The Capitol tomorrow."

"What, do you plan on sleeping on the floor?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

"I don't care. I can't come out and risk another flashback," he says, sorrow filling his tone. I know he feels incredibly guilty, and I know I can't change that. I think a part of me fears that he will come to suicide as a solution, like I did just a day ago. But I have to keep convincing myself he would never even think about it. I know he hates the part of himself that blackened my eyes and made my face swell, but he truly knows that it wasn't really him. It was the violent man that Snow created; not Peeta.

"Fine then. I'll just stay outside this door until morning." He doesn't reply to me, but I can tell that he's thinking.

"I'm not stopping you." Peeta's answer surprises me. Sure, it's something that I would say, but not Peeta. Not the old Peeta, anyway. I guess it's just another piece of him that The Capitol took away from me forever.

I sigh loudly, making sure he can hear, before slumping down to my knees. My back is against the cool wood of the door. I know I won't be sleeping tonight, but I could care less. The thought that worries me the most is that I have to get on a train tomorrow. A train that's headed to the place I loathe most; The Capitol.

***

The sun is beginning to peek through the curtains, causing a hint of natural light to shine through. I think I fell asleep for an hour, maybe two last night. For most of it, though, my mind wouldn't stop thinking. For most of the night I worried about today. How will I take being back in that place, surrounding my unfamilliar Capitol doctors? How will Peeta take it?

I push my train of thought from my mind and stand. My legs feel weak and tingly from sitting uncomfortably for hours. I knock loudly on the door, even though I'm almost certain that Peeta isn't sleeping. "Peeta! Get dressed. We leave in an hour."

I don't bother to wait for him to open the door. He's probably waiting for me to leave. I slip into the bathroom and take a quick shower, unsure of the next time I'll be able to in the comfort of my home. When I'm dressed in a light blue sweater and black pants I tie my hair into a snarled braid. If my prep team were here, they'd have a fit.

When I exit the room, the office door is open and I can smell the savory scent of bread wafting from the kitchen.

Peeta is sitting at the table downstairs staring intently at his thumb. "Hi," I mumble and sit down across from him. He glances up for a split second, then continues to study his hand. "How are you?"

"How do you think?" he retorts. I slice the warm bread that's between us and put a slice on both of our plates, along with some sliced apples and blackberries that I picked in the woods a few days ago.

"I don't blame you, if that's what you think." I take a small bite of my food, suddenly not hungry.

"I know you don't. But I do," he says. "I blame me." I'm not sure what to say now. I never do when I talk to Peeta like this. I'm horrible at comforting people; I always have been.

"Well," I say angrily. "Don't." I stand from my chair, mutter an annoyed I'm not hungry, and storm into the living room.

Just as I begin to relax on the couch, Haymitch comes stumbling into the house. "Got any-"

Shit. He doesn't know about Peeta's flashback from last night. But judging by the look on his face after seeing the black and blue bruises on mine, he knows now. "Haymitch, it's fine. Don't make a big deal out of it in front of him," I say, obviously referring to Peeta.

He puts his hand on his forehead and sighs. "Why didn't you get help?" he hisses, careful not to let Peeta hear.

"It's not like you can yell for help when you're being choked," I retort. Haymitch rolls his eyes and sits beside me on the couch.

"How's he taking it?" I know that he's not worried about me. I'm alive and speaking; that's good enough.

"Well, he refused to come out of the office up until about a half-hour ago. But that's only because we have to get on a train for the Capitol in about twenty minutes."

"What? Why are you going to the Capitol?" he asks. I curse in my mind. Haymitch doesn't know that I tried to kill myself, and I don't plan on telling him.

"For Peeta. There might be a way to help with his flashbacks," I say. At least it's half-true.

"Do you need me to come with you?" I can see in his eyes that he wants to help. I know he cares about Peeta and I.

"No, it's alright. But I'll call you if we need you. If I need you." Haymitch gives me a weak smile and nods. A sliver of me feels like I have Haymitch back; the real Haymitch who cares. The one who is sober and acts like a father to me.

"I'll go talk to him," he says, nodding towards the door. When he leaves I lace up my boots that no longer pinch my toes. Still, they aren't nearly the same as my father's.

Haymitch comes out of the room only minutes later with an unsatisfied look on his face. "He still believes it's all his fault."

"I don't think he's ever going to stop believing that," I whisper. Haymitch hugs me, tells me good luck and heads back to his house.

I push a few strands of broken hair behind my ear and prepare myself for the hours to come. "Peeta, get ready. We have to leave."

He does what I say, but never ceases to stay a good few feet away from me. I can't help but feel bitterness towards him right now. He's acting like a child.

I shake my head and shrug it off. We leave the house and embark towards the train station near the square.

We've made it just in time because the train pulls up within minutes. I stop myself from stumbling backwards when Effie comes out of the doorway dressed in an outfit made of faux green lizard skin, tall perfectly white heels, and a pastel green wig. "Oh, Katniss!" she says with a sob. She embraces me, the best she can anyway, due to her dress that sticks out around her body.

"I'm fine, Effie. It's alright," I say. She softly touches the bruise under my eye with a sigh.

"Well, it's nothing makeup can't fix!" she says, the cheeriness flooding back into her voice. I bite my tongue to keep from groaning out loud.

The three of us step on the train and a shiver runs down my spine as realization hits me. I'm going back to the Capitol.

***
Well, that didn't cover as much as I wanted. I kind of extended it a little bit. Anyways, I have a bunch of stuff to tell you because I skipped that weekend's update (whoops).

1.) I recently got an Instagram for this account (same username; booklover2019). I just figured it would be a good way to give you guys updates on when I'm writing, when I plan to update, and when I actually update. So follow me please if you have an Instagram :)

2.) Book hint: something huge is coming. (I had to tell you. You'll see why eventually.)

3.) A fellow Wattpadder; jhonnyD has recently created something for me and you guys. I can't advertise it here, but he has it on his page :)