Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 92

Katniss

        After dinner, Annie made her way up the stairs with Finn and into the guest bedroom. I put the dishes in a big basin on the counter in the kitchen. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking of Prim throughout the whole meal. I'm not sure if it was the fact that having another person in the house with us was such a change, or the prescence of little Finn. I could see that Peeta adored him, and Finn felt the same. I didn't speak very much. I pretended to have a huge interest in the food on my plate that I pushed around with my fork instead of actually eating it. 

       "Are you alright Katniss?" Peeta asks me from the doorway from the living room next door. I nod and clean up the rest of the table. I try to get the thought of my deceased sister out of my head; to try and convince myself that I'd never see her again, which is true, but I don't want to believe it. I can still see her blue eyes and her warm smile as she sat in front of the fireplace in our old house so many years ago. "Prim?" 

        I'm not sure how he knows, but I'm not surprised. Peeta knows me more than I know myself. That's why he's so easy to talk to. I'm the issue in the equation. I nod slowly, trying to act like it doesn't matter. "Maybe we could go to The Meadow tomorrow; to see her."        

        "No," I say harshly. I've only been there a few times since Prim died. Both times ended up horribly. I was alone the first time because I refused to let Peeta come with. The second time, he insisted, but I just made it to the entrance to the peaceful, grassy field before I sprinted back home. "I'm not going back there again." 

        "We could take Annie, too. It might help her," Peeta says. 

          "How would it help her, Peeta? Her husband died in the very same war all of those people did. It's a horrible idea, that isn't going to happen anyway," I say bitterly, pushing past him and plopping down on the couch. I pull my knees up to my chest and shut my eyes to try to get rid of my surroundings. But I see her even clearer in my mind now. I can hear her voice and see her blouse untucked over her skirt at the Reaping. I can practically feel her soft, golden hair as I entwined it into a braid like mine the day of her eleventh birthday. I told her I could braid it differently if she wanted, but she insisted on wearing it like mine.

        I can feel Peeta sit down beside me. His hand brushes a strand of my dark hair behind my ear. I glance up and look him straight in the eye, trying to hide any signs of weakness that could be shown. He leans towards me and my forehead touches his, our noses brushing lightly together. "We can go to the Meadow," I whisper softly. 

        "You're sure?" Peeta asks, taking my hand in his. I nod cautiously, afraid of what I might be commiting to. 

        "I don't want Annie to come with, though. I just want you with me." 

        He nods, "Of course. I'll never leave your side. I promise." I nod and rest my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around me protectively. "I love you, Katniss." I mumble a soft I love you too before I'm half asleep and can feel Peeta carrying me upstairs to our bed. 

***

        The next morning, Peeta isn't in bed with me, but I can hear him downstairs in the kitchen, along with the happy, high-pitched voice that could only belong to Finn. I swing my legs over the side of my bed and quickly dress in a simple sky-blue t-shirt and black pants. I softly tip-toe down the stairs until I can see Peeta and Finn. Annie must still be asleep, or she went out because she's no where in sight. Finn is sitting on Peeta's lap. I make out an old children's book my father used to read to Prim and I in his hands. He's reading softly to Finn, who's arms are draped around Peeta's neck. I feel tears gather in my eyes and I think of how Peeta is probably the closest person the little boy has to a father. 

        I rest my shoulder against a wall and watch as Peeta finishes the book and kisses Finn on the forehead. A tear runs down my cheek. I can never give Peeta that. I know he wants kids, probably a son, like Finn. But I don't want kids, no matter what. I've been through far too much to trust myself in raising a little boy or girl. 

        I swear in my mind when the floor creaks under my feet. I wipe the tear stain from my face and pretend I just walked down the stairs, but I know Peeta knows I've been here the whole time. "Good morning Katniss," he says. Finn smiles and rests his head on Peeta's shoulder. I nod instead of saying good morning, not trusting my voice. I quickly escape into the kitchen and take a deep breath, leaning over the basin, still containing yesterday's dishes. Before I can stop them, a few more stray tears fall.

        "Katniss?" I know Peeta is in the kitchen now. I have no choice but to turn and face him. "Katniss, what's wrong?" 

        I turn and look at my feet, unable to look him in the eyes. "I saw you and Finn. How happy he makes you." He shakes his head, clearly confused about what I'm trying to say. "Peeta, I'm never going to be able to give you that. I can't give you a baby; I'm sorry." 

        "Katniss. . ." Peeta walks towards me and wraps his arms around my waist. I bury my face in his shoulder and take  deep breath, trying to calm myself. "I don't need kids. I love Finn, and he doesn't have a dad. He never has had one, and I'm trying to do te best I can to be at least close. We're his aunt and uncle Katniss." 

        "I know you want kids of your own though. You can't hide that," I say. 

        "I do, and I know I can't. I do want a son or daughter, but if you aren't ready, that's okay too." 

        "I hate that, though. You give me everything. You sacrifice everything for me. And I can't repay you," I say, frowning when Peeta laughs. 

        "You don't have to repay me. I love you, Katniss. That's why I give you as much as I can, and you give me so much too. You just don't realize it," he says, kissing my forehead. "I love you more than anything. You give me you. That's all I need." 

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Again, it took me forever and ever to update again. So sorry about that! Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter! And also, happy early birthday to Joshua Ryan Hutcherson :)