Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 64

Katniss

When I was young, around age 8, my father took me to the Hob. I remember walking in with him and being filled with fear and excitement all at once. I remember hiding behind his back, hanging onto his coat because I was terrified of some of the people in there. But there was a woman with long black hair that was held up away from her face with a simple cloth hair piece. She gave my father a kind nod and then saw me. A smile spread across her face and she bent down to touch my cheek. It was the first time I really experienced kindness from a stranger. I didn't realize why this woman was being nice to me. I didn't get why she smiled when she saw me. Later, though, as I began to get smarter, I saw that people respected and loved my father. I saw the true sorrow in their faces when they found out he was killed in the mines. I know now Prim was a lot like him too, besides her looks. People loved her, just like they did my father. Now I see in these people's faces that they respect me too. I can see the nods they give me, just like the black haired woman in the Hob, who is probably long gone by now.

"They said we can go out the back way, but we have to wear these," Peeta says, interrupting my thoughts. I blink and take the thin black bracelet from his hands. A tracker bracelet I think. I had to wear one similar in 13 when Gale and I went out to hunt.

"Okay," I say, standing from the bench I'm resting on. "Where do you plan on going?"

"I don't know. Anywhere away from here."

"Don't we have to watch the Games?" I ask. He shrugs in return.

"No, we can just get a recap when we come back."

"How long can we stay out?" I clip the bracelet into place on my wrist.

"As long as we want," he says. I raise an eyebrow.

"I didn't know the Capitol people would be that easy going."

"Well, we have to be back before dark, so really, it isn't as long as we want but. . ."

"Yes," I say, stopping him. He smiles and puts his left hand on my cheek. I put mine on his and smile. I blink a few times. "We should go."

"Is something wrong?" he asks. Of course things are wrong. How does Peeta expect me to be happy now? Does he think I'm back to 'normal' even though not long ago I wouldn't speak. No, although I act alright, I am not. I'm far from alright. But I have to lie and say I'm okay for Peeta's sake so I shake my head, no. He gives me a doubting look and sighs. "Katniss, did anyone ever tell you you're a horrible liar?" I feel warmth spread on my cheeks and I look away.

"I'm fine," I say, shrugging it off.

"We don't have to go. I just thought it would get your mind off of everything," he says. I squint my eyes at him.

"Get my mind off of everything?" I ask bitterly. He rolls his eyes, knowing that he got me mad. I turn on my heel and walk into a random room down the hall. I don't hear footsteps follow me. I sit on a plastic chair in the room and look out the window. The view isn't much. Just the Capitol, which wasn't nearly as glamorous as it was before the war. I rest my head on the back of my chair and finally let myself think about everything. Before, I had to restrict myself on my thoughts so I wouldn't trigger any unwanted memories.

I hear a door open behind me and see my mother standing there before me. I arch my eyebrows at her. Why is she here? Did she come with Gale and Ruth? Who else is here? "Hello, dear," she says, taking a seat beside me. I focus my eyes on her. Her kind face and light blonde hair really does remind me of Prim. But she isn't as beautiful as she was only a year or two ago; before everything happened. Before the Games happened. 

"Peeta sent you?" I ask bitterly. She sighs and shakes her head.

"He didn't send me, Katniss," she replies. I look back out the window, no longer interested.

"Are you okay?" she whispers. I almost laugh. It's just like Peeta's question; is something wrong? How could something be right? But I don't have to lie to my mother. I don't care if she's hurt by whatever I have to say. She didn't say anything to me for years.

"Do you think I'm okay? I saw a little girl die. She was my friend. She reminded me of Rue and Prim. And just like them, she was taken away from me. I held her in my arms as she died!" I yell, tears spilling over my eyelids. My mother looks at her hands.

"You didn't have to yell at Peeta like that." I furrow my eyebrows. So she was eavesdropping on us then?

"Why can't I just be left alone?" I whisper, my eyes train on something random outside.

"Because there are people who love you," she says. I smile sarcastically. "Peeta loves you-"

"Peeta doesn't count," I say. "For a while he was forced to love me. He still is."

"I do."

"You what?"I ask. 

"I love you." I sigh and stand. "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere away from people," I mutter.

"Katniss, you can't push people out forever!" my mother calls. But I'm already out of the door.